The Pregnant Cheerleaders of Hempstead, Texas
Did you see this in the paper? The school Board of Hempstead, Texas reluctantly reversed its ban on pregnant cheerleaders because they feared legal challenges (the pregnant cheerleaders union?). Earlier in the year the board had kicked four pregnant cheerleaders off the 16-member squad. That's right, four of the 16 Hempstead cheerleaders, a full 25%, were pregnant.
I assumed the ban on pregnant cheerleaders was a moral decision on the school board's part but maybe they just wanted to avoid this situation: the cheerleaders are on the court doing their routine, "Give me an H. 'H'. Give me an E. 'E'. Give me an M... Hey my water broke, my water broke, get the biology teacher . . . my water broke." It would be a disaster. That kind of embarrassing experience could scar a pregnant cheerleader for life. Imagine her unsuspecting parents are in the stands screaming, "Thelma-Louise, you said you were just putting on weight. You lied to us girly-girl." Several of the basketball players would lose focus worrying if they are the father and a big game could be lost. It was a wise school principal that made this decision.
The same week the story about the pregnant cheerleaders of Hempstead came out, a woman from Wichita, Kansas was in court for shooting an abortion doctor in the arm. She claimed she's happy she did it but that in the future she would leave things like "guns and bombs to men because it's not women's work."
Well finally these anti-abortion people are displaying some common sense. Bombing and shooting are not very lady-like indeed and thus reflects poorly on their organization. In fact these right-to-lifers should get to the core of the problem and go to Hempstead, Texas and shoot the pregnant cheerleaders. Killing off the supply of customers is the surest way to put abortion doctors out of business. After all, there's only nine letters in the word Hempstead. Therefore, they really only need nine cheerleaders. Solutions are only a moment of logical thought away.