April 28, 2017
What to say when they won't take the flu shot
It's Fall and time for the seasons to change, for baseball to give way to football and to get your flu shot. Getting your flu shot is certainly not as time honored an event as the others but it should become one of the most cherished of American autumnal traditions. Why? Because it would save us hundreds of millions of dollars per year in health costs and untold billions in Kleenex. Imagine how many trees will be saved because you aren't a mucous machine for weeks and weeks every winter.

I am not a doctor and I don't play one on T.V. but let me clear up a few common misconceptions about flu shots-- first, they don't give you the flu. That's an urban myth started by an old wive's tale that is now an intractable part of American folk lore. If you got the flu after you got your flu shot it was because you were already getting the flu when you got your flu shot.

But they, and I think you know who they are, say the biggest reason people are reluctant to get flu shots is... the shot. Big corporations try to give flu shots away right at the office so they won't have sick employees and lose millions in lost productivity and still the highest compliance rate most companies get is 30%. If the vaccine was in a flu candy or flu popsicles, corporations might get everyone to do it yet because 70% of American adults are chicken, they choose to have headaches, running noses, aching bones and a wrenching gut to one tiny little flu shot.

And I'm not saying shots are fun, they're not. But for the good of the country, the health and welfare of your family and this great nation... and to save us all a bunch of money... we need to roll up our sleeves and get to work wiping out the flu.

I know a lot of you have trouble getting a shot so here are some tips to make getting your flu vaccine a painless experience-- get wild-eyed drunk before you go in. This technique brings up a driving or being drunk at the job issue so unless you take the bus or work for Amtrak this may not be for you. Actually, the best thing to do is be honest with the nurse or doctor and say you are nervous, is there anything they can do to help relieve the stress of the moment? They will say quit being such a big baby and shame you into dealing with it like an adult.

But if you run a company and want your employees to take shots, here's an idea: provide buckets of ice cubes for people to put on their arms to deaden a spot before the shot, as a distraction have a dog and pony show off to their right as they get shot in their left arm AND tell everyone that the nurses are injecting them on the count of five. Of course, you tell the nurses to hit 'em with the shot while they are saying "Just watch the nice dogs and ponies and relax and when I count to five I am going to gently give you the shot. You may feel a little stick but that's all." Before the nurse even starts counting to five the shot is over and you'll be saving millions.