Personal Disclosure Statement
It seems every other corporation is announcing some accounting problem, lie, discrepancy, billions in expenses ended up in the profit column, all kinds of inaccuracies that have to be cleared up. And so I too, Tim Bedore, have to come clean. For the past 15 years Arthur Andersen has been handling my public relations work and consulting me on life issues and I have the following corrections and apologies to make-
To my wife Karen, I am not the world's greatest lover. I told you, during our courtship, that I was the master of all things carnal but we've run the numbers again and my status has been downgraded to somewhere in the range of adequate to not annoying. Also, I believe I told you I have large feet, which, as you now know, is not true, they are of average size and all that entails.
To my high school and college friends back home, I want to correct a few things about my life in California, I am not the hottest thing in show business just waiting for the right project to come along, Jay Leno is not my best friend, Steven Spielberg does not call me for advice and I did not teach Tiger Woods how to golf. I once had Jay Leno's home phone number but he changed it soon after I got it, a few years back I saw Close Encounters ( alt. Saw Speilberg at a restaurant) and the only tip I ever gave Tiger Woods was "You the man" as he was about to tee off.
And to my very Catholic parents I want to say, I know you have taken great comfort in the fact I told you I had dedicated my life to God, was doing the Lord's work and had accepted Jesus as my personal savior. Well, the truth of my religious work is I once donated an old couch to the St. Vincent De Paul Society.
I know these exaggerations, obfuscations, prevarications... huge honkin' lies... prepared for me by my consultants, are still my responsibility and may cause you to not want to invest in me in the future. But, I can tell you thisa[euro]" as soon as Congress forces me and my life consultants, Arthur Andersen, to put out more accurate information, I will. Who forces the Congress to be trustworthy and accurate is another matter, but as soon as Arthur Andersen and I figure out what the truth of me is, we will get back to you.
As for my daughter, when I told you Daddy loves you more than there is blue in the sky, I was being completely honest. As for getting your own pony one day, well, Daddy is still waiting to hear from Congress on if I have to fess' up on that.