December 17, 2017
National Take your Dog to Work Day
National Take your Dog to Work Day. It almost sounds insane. What if your Rottweiler has an attitude and you run a day care center?

The skeptical among you might be asking how such a day ever gained acceptance? Well, it all started with National Take Your Daughter to Work Day, the goal of which is greater gender equality. But of course that holiday is sexist, so we need a National Take Your Son to Work Day, and because dogs are part of the family, and fellow mammals, to avoid accusations of specie-ism we now have National Take Your Dog to Work Day.

But if taking your dog to work gives man's best friends a better idea of what their owners do while they are home sleeping or chewing a leg off the coffee table or the mailman then I think we should all get behind this effort to forge a greater human/canine understanding.

And to that end I have started crossbreeding Basenjis, the bark-less dog, with Chihuahuas, the dog that wants to bark about everything, to create the world's most frustrated animal. The resulting offspring is either a dog that wants to say something about everything and just can't, or a dog that can endlessly yip and bark at the slightest provocation but strangely, feels that it shouldn't.

In other words, this new dog is just its owner, the average American worker who has already learned how to roll over and play dead. And when owners of my new Basenhuahuass bring them to the office their fellow workers will recognize their own frustrations in this helpless animal and unite and demand that the dental plan be re-installed.

Until that day, I think company management benefits most from Bring a Dog to Work Day. It's a no-cost way of almost literally tossing workers a bone. But if they ever announce National Take Your Gerbil, Hamster or other domesticated Rodent to Work Week, be a Chihuahua. Bark like hell because they're about to raid your pension plan.