September 20, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"A Mouse Ate My Clasp"
Boston, MASS.- Cheerleader Debbie Brooks is furious with the mice in the cheerleader locker room. "One of these little %$#@*&^ chewed up part of the clasp on my top, so, like, the thing flew apart right on TV and my parents were watching... it was so embarrassing. My boob went Janet Jackson but it wasn't my fault. It was the mice." Team officials have suspended Miss Brooks pending an investigation.
Porker Constipation
S.Wales,NEW ZEALAND-A giant porker got to be too much for Caroline Hayes, 63, making her a prisoner in her own home by refusing to let her leave her farm house until she fed him. "When I ran out of food he wouldn't let me outside to use the loo," said Ms. Hayes, whose farm doesn't have indoor plumbing. The giant pig would keep her inside for days on end until friends came by with more bananas, the hungry porker's favourite food. Wildlife officials captured the huge pig which was gladly accepted by a piggery who intends to use him as their lead stud.
Deer Won't Leave
Galesburg, ILLINOIS- Michael and Pascal Mirica can't get a deer out of their bed. Their doors were open one day to move some furniture and the doe walked right past them and has never left except to eat and relieve itself. "And then it's right back onto our bed," said the frustrated couple. Neighbors have suggested they use force but the couple seem trapped by their religious convictions-she is a Quaker and he is a Christian Scientist so they can't use violence or get medical help if the use of force goes wrong.
Petting Zoo Closed
Sacramento, CALIFORNIA- Keller Petting Zoo has been forced to close due to horny kangaroos. Owner Bob Keller pleaded with city officials to wait until he could do the necessary surgeries on his male kangaroos but pressure from parents groups prevailed.
Bear Attacks Hunter, Then Follows Him To Hospital
Buckholtz, WISCONSIN - Scott Taylor got mauled by a bear while turkey hunting last Saturday. But the real surprise came when the revenge driven bear showed up at the St. Stevens Hospital emergency room and came after him again. "I know it was the same bear because I took off some of his ear with some buck shot. Now I'm worried he is going to follow me home. I had the ambulance take the long way so the beast gets turned around and can't find the way here."
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