April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Deer Won't Leave
Galesburg, ILLINOIS- Michael and Pascal Mirica can't get a deer out of their bed. Their doors were open one day to move some furniture and the doe walked right past them and has never left except to eat and relieve itself. "And then it's right back onto our bed," said the frustrated couple. Neighbors have suggested they use force but the couple seem trapped by their religious convictions-she is a Quaker and he is a Christian Scientist so they can't use violence or get medical help if the use of force goes wrong.
Petting Zoo Closed
Sacramento, CALIFORNIA- Keller Petting Zoo has been forced to close due to horny kangaroos. Owner Bob Keller pleaded with city officials to wait until he could do the necessary surgeries on his male kangaroos but pressure from parents groups prevailed.
Bear Attacks Hunter, Then Follows Him To Hospital
Buckholtz, WISCONSIN - Scott Taylor got mauled by a bear while turkey hunting last Saturday. But the real surprise came when the revenge driven bear showed up at the St. Stevens Hospital emergency room and came after him again. "I know it was the same bear because I took off some of his ear with some buck shot. Now I'm worried he is going to follow me home. I had the ambulance take the long way so the beast gets turned around and can't find the way here."
Moose Ruins Summer
Ketchikan, ALASKA - A moose ruined the summer for 3 year old Michelle Weiss. A moose took up residence in her wading pool in early June and never left. Even if the moose did leave, the water was filled with hair and needed to be cleaned and re-filled. Once cleaned, the moose would charge back and scare off the screaming little girl just as she stepped into the pool, chasing her back into her home. For her 4th birthday Michelle has asked her parents for a gun.
Guitar Makers Sues
HOLLYWOOD, CA - A spokesman for Fender Guitars of Corona, California is suing the makers of Just For Men over their current TV campaign. "We wouldn't be pissed off if they had used an actor who looks like he even knew how to hold a guitar. Guitars usually make people look cool. But this guy is such a dork he makes guitars look bad," explained company spokesman Mike Vaneslow. Fender is asking Just For Men to re-shoot the commercial with a less dorky actor or use a different brand guitar.
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