February 19, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Geese Down Medi-Chopper
COLD CREEK, Arkansas- A flock of geese, flying at night, took on a Medi-Chopper on a rescue mission and brought it down in a field short of St. Francis of Assisi Hospital. The patient, a goose hunter, had suffered a heart attack and was being flown to the emergency room. He died before an ambulance could reach the scene.
Cow Rides Shotgun
LAREDO, Texas- Clint Strider claims he just really loves his prized steer named Moses. Mental health officials believe he needs immediate help and perhaps confinement. Until authorities take action Strider plans to continue driving Moses around town. Police report they hope to find a legal way to stop Strider from driving an unrestrained 2000 pound steer on city streets.
Pope Bans Baby Jumping
VATICAN CITY- Pope Benedict has asked priests in Spain to distance themselves from the El Colacho, or Baby Jumping Festival, after a recent tragic accident where babies were endangered and a 92 year old man was killed. The ritual, which features men dressed as the devil leaping over mattresses loaded with babies, is thought to keep the children safe from the devil for the rest of their lives. "Obviously our goal is to keep all of us safe from the devil, but if we take the lives of others while we're doing it, we have to question those methods," explained the Pontiff.
DNR Blames Parents
LOVELAND, Colorado- Six year old Robbie Slayton was carried off by a Tule Elk right in front of his horrified parents, Tammi and Robert of Boulder. "We just wanted to get a great Christmas picture of Robbie with the elk but I guess we encouraged him to get too close," said his embarrassed father. The elk scooped the dumbstruck first grader up in its rack and once the six year old was seated up there, it galloped off into the mountains. After the local DNR called for an emergency rescue, searchers found the boy seven hours later sitting, unhurt,in a tree. The traumatized youngster hasn't spoken in two days but is expected to recover fully.
Holy Tragic Leap
CASTRILLO, Spain- The annual El Colacho, or Baby Jumping festival has taken a tragic turn. Jaime Del Morin was leaping over a mattress filled with babies when he blew out a knee. To avoid hurting any babies Morin flung his body forward and crashed into 92 year old J.W. Puddios. Local priest, Father Stephano Zuschos said, "God's miracle of the circle of life happened right before our eyes. The old die as the young carry on, just as He planned."
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