March 22, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Bees Booby Trap Barbecue
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Dallas, TEXAS- When Dave Mercurio tried to fire up his barbecue he heard a roar from underneath the cover that sent him running. "One false move and I was a dead man," said the startled homeowner. Over 58,000 killer bees had taken up residence under his barbecue and "Were ready to strike, from the sound of it." A few well-placed bug bombs and Mercurio had his barbecue back. "The first thing I was going to cook was a honey-glazed chicken just to show them who was boss but the hive smelled pretty chemically from the bug bombs so we thought it best not to use the honey."
Woman Kisses Beaver
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Fergus Falls, MINNESOTA- Wild animals are generally not happy to be kissed by humans but some beavers love getting smooched by Linda Dinteman. "They are lovely creatures and I just love them so much." Neighbors, in the Shanty Creek subdivision, are not happy about it though and have complained to city officials. Lawyers on both sides are not sure if local regulations cover a woman kissing a beaver in public.
Panda Claims Innocence in Killing
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Schunzan, CHINA- Ling-tong, a baby panda at the Great Bear Breeding Center, is being accused of murder. Long time trainer Tang Lum was found dead in the baby panda nursery. When fellow workers entered the nursery Ling-tong was lingering nearby the slain trainer holding onto a bloody bamboo branch. "Ling acted sad that Tang was no longer moving but I thought it was an act and couldn't help but be suspicious," said Han Jang, spokesman for the center.
"Are They Working Together?"
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Ishpeming, MICHIGAN- A hunter's trail camera has discovered who has been wrecking his deer stand and hunting site. But what Andy Gangas saw on the camera was not what he expected-a raccoon on the back of a wild boar. "From the damage to the deer stand it looked someone knew what they wanted to do. And now it looks as if these two were working together, the raccoon steering the boar through my stuff like a bulldozer."
"A Mouse Ate My Clasp"
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Boston, MASS.- Cheerleader Debbie Brooks is furious with the mice in the cheerleader locker room. "One of these little %$#@*&^ chewed up part of the clasp on my top, so, like, the thing flew apart right on TV and my parents were watching... it was so embarrassing. My boob went Janet Jackson but it wasn't my fault. It was the mice." Team officials have suspended Miss Brooks pending an investigation.
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