January 21, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Zoo Chimp Stockpiled Weapons
FURUVIK ZOO, Sweden- Santino, a chimp named after a character in the movie The Godfather, planned a hit on human visitors. A calm Santino spends the morning stockpiling stones prior to the zoo opening, then launching the stones later at zoo visitors while in an "agitated" state. This means Santino can anticipate moods and plan accordingly claims Dr. Matias Orvarth, who is studying the situation.
Lions Prevent Help To Humans
BATGUAPPA, South Africa- A South African bush pilot recently tried to fly critical medical supplies in to a remote village and transport a patient back to hospital but, lions kept him from re-entering his plane. The patient in need of transport died on the runway in 112 degree heat. "It was suicide to approach the plane and no matter what we did to scare the lions away they just sat there," said pilot, Carl Liebe.
Deer Keep Attacking Police
SPRINGFIELD, IL- Local deer have been attacking local police with increasing frequency. Biologists think it may have something to do with the colors of the cruisers or design features that trigger aggressive behavior. Several local officers, though, think the deer are angry about an incident involving a deer shooting in a park where officers responded to an emergency call over animal-human conflict.
Rodeo Champ Quits
LAREDO, Texas- Rocky Zurawski was once a top bull rider on the professional rodeo circuit, but no more. "I looked into the eyes of Kickin' Ass and saw something that just made me quit. That bull talked to me... with his eyes. Kickin' Ass made me understand rodeo work is really no fun for bulls. I just can't do it anymore."
Space Deer Invade Freeburg
FREEBURG, IL- A deer has been patrolling Freeburg with a plastic bucket on its head. There is much debate over what to do because starvation will drive the animal to more desperate behavior. Yet, tranquilizing the deer is out of the question because city officials fear once the bucket is removed the deer could return to the woods, be killed and someone could end up eating its meat before the powerful drugs fully leave the tissue. "Or maybe this deer is from space and it's not a bucket but a helmet. Or, maybe it just wants to protect itself from hunters. Either way, I think we should look into it," says Mayor Arnie Fillko, who is not expected to win re-election.
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