September 20, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Lions Prevent Help To Humans
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BATGUAPPA, South Africa- A South African bush pilot recently tried to fly critical medical supplies in to a remote village and transport a patient back to hospital but, lions kept him from re-entering his plane. The patient in need of transport died on the runway in 112 degree heat. "It was suicide to approach the plane and no matter what we did to scare the lions away they just sat there," said pilot, Carl Liebe.
Deer Keep Attacking Police
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SPRINGFIELD, IL- Local deer have been attacking local police with increasing frequency. Biologists think it may have something to do with the colors of the cruisers or design features that trigger aggressive behavior. Several local officers, though, think the deer are angry about an incident involving a deer shooting in a park where officers responded to an emergency call over animal-human conflict.
Rodeo Champ Quits
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LAREDO, Texas- Rocky Zurawski was once a top bull rider on the professional rodeo circuit, but no more. "I looked into the eyes of Kickin' Ass and saw something that just made me quit. That bull talked to me... with his eyes. Kickin' Ass made me understand rodeo work is really no fun for bulls. I just can't do it anymore."
Space Deer Invade Freeburg
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FREEBURG, IL- A deer has been patrolling Freeburg with a plastic bucket on its head. There is much debate over what to do because starvation will drive the animal to more desperate behavior. Yet, tranquilizing the deer is out of the question because city officials fear once the bucket is removed the deer could return to the woods, be killed and someone could end up eating its meat before the powerful drugs fully leave the tissue. "Or maybe this deer is from space and it's not a bucket but a helmet. Or, maybe it just wants to protect itself from hunters. Either way, I think we should look into it," says Mayor Arnie Fillko, who is not expected to win re-election.
Bagpipes Cause Problems
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STONE MOUNTAIN, Ga- A yearly Scottish ritual has ended in lawsuits for the Sons of the Pipe fraternal organization. "Why did these parents just let their kids run all over the place," exclaimed Rusty McDuff. "Doesn't everyone know we don't wear underwear?" "We had no idea they didn't wear underwear," said Linders Alstrom, the father who brought suit. "If you are walking through a public park you don't expect your kids to end up seeing a grown man's genitals."
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