March 22, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"Where's My Bindi?"
QUEEN'S END, Australia- It didn't take a master detective to tell Patty Buntine where her dog had gone. Her 3 year-old Maltese terrier was missing from the backyard in northern Australia and in Bindi's place? A 10-ft.-long olive python with a suspiciously Bindi-shaped bulge in its belly. The bloated serpent tipped the scales at 35 lbs. which is a full 14 lbs. (or one small dog) heavier than its normal weight. A snake expert said the python will return to the wild once it successfully digests the dog. "It can't move right now. This is the equivalent of a 220-lb. man eating a 132-lb. steak. Or, a vegetarian eating ten 13 pound potatoes."
Cat Causes Crash
FT. MEYERS, Florida- A feral cat jumped through a soccer mom's minivan window and caused her to crash through a wall, then into a swimming pool. Ben Finkelstein was sitting on his patio when Leda Alpert came crashing in. "Never saw anything like it. You should have seen those kids scramble out. Sadie (Mrs. Finkelstein) gave 'em towels and bagels and they settled down." The feral cat escaped, too. "We've got to get that thing now that my wall is down. I've got no protection."
Moose Gets Adopted By Humans
NELSON, British Columbia- Jonathon Gullabel found a baby moose in distress in a creek during a hike. He got him out of the water and tried to send him on his way to find his mother. But the baby moose followed Jonathon home. The Gullabels fell in love with the new-born and decided to raise the moose themselves until a better situation is found. Some neighbors are not pleased, though. "Yes baby moose are cute but I hope they are prepared for when Mommy, gets the signal from baby, and comes calling," says Vernon Gordon. "And I hope Mommy gets the right house... theirs, not mine."
Zoo Chimp Stockpiled Weapons
FURUVIK ZOO, Sweden- Santino, a chimp named after a character in the movie The Godfather, planned a hit on human visitors. A calm Santino spends the morning stockpiling stones prior to the zoo opening, then launching the stones later at zoo visitors while in an "agitated" state. This means Santino can anticipate moods and plan accordingly claims Dr. Matias Orvarth, who is studying the situation.
Lions Prevent Help To Humans
BATGUAPPA, South Africa- A South African bush pilot recently tried to fly critical medical supplies in to a remote village and transport a patient back to hospital but, lions kept him from re-entering his plane. The patient in need of transport died on the runway in 112 degree heat. "It was suicide to approach the plane and no matter what we did to scare the lions away they just sat there," said pilot, Carl Liebe.
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