April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Deer Causes Sudden Stop, Boat Goes Camping
HOLLAND, Michigan- Bernie Filpot was bringing his boat to the launch to start the season but before he even got to the water his boat ended up in his camper. "I never suspected I'd see a deer in this part of town but out of nowhere there it was. I hit the brakes hard and suddenly the bow is in the bedroom. This sure changes our plans for the summer."
Illinois Has Answer For Big Head Carp
SPRINGFIELD, Illinois- State Water Management Director, John Means, thinks he has the solution to the growing big head carp problem in state waters. "Let's breed, buy, steal every eagle and osprey we can and get a natural predator in here to take out these slimy (expletive deleted)."
Swordfish Gets Captain
LIGHTHOUSE POINT, Fla- If you were a fish and you wanted a fishing boat to run aground you'd aim for the captain. That's exactly what a 355-pound swordfish did, using its bill to break John Barfield's collarbone and bruise his forehead. Even though he just survived a swordfish attack, Barfield is ready to get out there again. "I'd go fishing tomorrow if I could, especially since it seems the big ones are gunnin' for me, now. Let the games begin."
Worst Uncle Of The Year Award Winner Named
NEDERLAND, Colorado- Jamie Morin was voted Worst Uncle of the Year by the Nederland Chamber of Commerce. Photos are sent in by family members and the voting is part of a charity fund raiser for the Boys and Girls Club.
PETA Protests Poodle Pageant
ERIE,Pennsylvania- Animal rights groups are demanding the promoters of dog shows, whose theme is to make poodles look like other animals, stop immediately. "It's insane and immoral and hard to even put into words how weird these people are," sputtered PETA spokesman Neal Kevlon. "Dogs shouldn't be made to look like a camel or a buffalo or any ridiculous whatever else these morons are doing. A dog is a dog and has the right to be just that."
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