April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Take This Job and...
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SAN DIEGO, California- Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger took a stand against anti-illegal immigrant groups saying, "There are jobs that lots of people who live here legally won't do. Unless you protesters will take these jobs just shut up." The governor's remarks were made after a sweep of the San Diego Zoo found there were some illegal immigrants working there.
Indecent Elk Scares Home Schoolers
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COEUR D' ALENE, Idaho- Betsy Ann Bowsen thought she could keep her kids free from thoughts of sex by taking them out of the public schools. Then an excitable elk took up residence in her yard and started poking around in its private parts, everyday around 5PM. "What are the odds of this? I had it with what my kids heard on the playground. Now I have to explain what this elk is doing."
They're Everywhere
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BOSTON, Massachusetts- Truman, a 7-foot-long, 30-pound octopus at the New England Aquarium squeezed his body into a 14-inch square acrylic box today in pursuit of food, aquarium officials said. The caretakers for the octopi at the aquarium place food inside locked boxes as an enrichment activity. But zoo goer Marge Sage, who witnessed the exercise, had other ideas. "Do we really want to teach animals how to break and enter? We spend part of the summer on a boat and seeing this makes me very nervous."
Knock! Knock! Who's There?
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BOCA RATON, Florida- It was no joke when Lisa Ludweigsen heard a knock-knock at her front door. "I was expecting someone and if it wasn't for the big window we have in the door I would have opened right up and then, who knows what," said the still shaking senior after emergency crews arrived. "That 'gator knocked and looked ready to come barging in if I even cracked the door. I could see that one big eye ball looking at the door jam and then up at me. He was coiled and ready to jump through if he had half a chance."
Squirrels Dis-honor American Heroes on Memorial Day
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HALLOWED GROUND, The United States of America- At cemeteries all over America squirrels have taken American flags put out to honor the nation's war dead and used them to make nests in nearby trees. National Memorial Association Director Brian Puckette said, "I have heard from cemetery people all over the nation... on Memorial Day squirrels took flags everywhere, in every state. It's almost as if they had a plan."
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