April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Breeder of Fighting Dogs Was Angry Young Man
MONTGOMERY, Alabama- Slap Dunlap is being sought by authorities for breeding fighting dogs. His father, Pastor Dunwoody Dunlap told authorities, "My son was always an angry young man who just had an edge. Once he got to a certain size we could never be comfortable around him."
Polar Bear Attacks Attack Sub
ARCTIC CIRCLE, International Waters- Polar bears have been showing unusual interest in surfacing U.S. attack subs, according to navy spokesperson, Lt. Mary Beth Holtz. "We don't often see polar bears hanging around but lately when we surface they have been studying the sub's exterior, almost trying to figure out how to get in. One bear even took a swipe at our periscope and then looked in giving the commander the stink eye."
Idiot Gets Grizzly Drunk
YELLOWSTONE VISTA, Wyoming- Haus Burton just loves bears. He even invites them into his hot tub for a cold brew. "They can't hold a bottle yet, but I'm working on that. Right now I have to feed them like a baby. And they love a full, hoppy beer. If I just have Coors they leave."
Deer Wants Fresh Chocolate Chip Cookies Now!
CINCINNATI, Ohio- A deer scampered into the Whole Foods store in Rookwood Commons and charged in, heading for the smell of baking chocolate chip cookies in the bakery section. "He was hanging out next to the oven waiting for the cookies to come out," said Scott Hartman, the store's manager, adding, "That's not a normal thing." The deer hung out in the bakery 25 minutes until the SPCA showed up. Once a tranquilizer took effect, police and the SPCA carried the animal out without a cookie. Hartman said this is the third time he's run a Whole Foods location that's hosted a deer. "Apparently deer like quality organic gourmet food."
Mommy, Are The Big Fish Mean Or Friendly?
KEY WEST, Florida- Summer vacation means fun in the sun and surf for most Americans but not for the Dave and Betsy Edwards family. "That was one long couple of days on that boat," said Kelly Edwards. "Until the rescue choppers came I thought we were never going to see Minnesota again." The Edwards rented yacht failed and drifted for days, surrounded by sharks.
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