June 25, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Kitty Kitty Bang Bang
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BATES TOWNSHIP, Michigan - Joeseph Stanton was cooking in his kitchen when he was shot by his cat, Mr. Blinky. The counter walking feline knocked Stanton's handgun onto the floor, discharging the weapon, the shot striking Stanton in his lower torso. State police said Stanton was cooking home made venison sausage at the time and when officers asked why he had a loaded gun sitting where his cat could come in contact with it Stanton replied "Turn down the sausage and get me to the hospital." When asked for further comment neither Stanton nor Mr. Blinky could be reached.
Horse Loves Super Gulp
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OAK BARREL, Kentucky- Warnings have been out there for years about the preponderance of sugar laden sodas and sports drinks in the American diet. Now, sugar and the American equine diet is the issue for at least horse breeder. Col. Scott Farrell knows where American Fantastic, his latest champion-line foal, learned to love sugar, "These stable hands, they bring these big gulp drinks, buckets of sugar water they are, to work and they thought it was funny when A.F. (American Fantastic) drank through the straw and finished them off in a seconds. Now we can't keep A.F. off the hummingbird feeder and he doesn't want to run anymore. Sugar is just bad."
Thai Elephant Kills Keeper, Runs Off With Three Chinese Tourists On Its Back
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MAE WANG, Thailand- An elephant in northern Thailand went berserk Wednesday, killing his "mahout" keeper before running off into the jungle with three terrified Chinese tourists on his back. "The tourists are safe," a police commander told reporters. "But they did not look like they were having a good time when they got back." TV channels broadcast footage of the frightened tourists returning to camp still on the elephant's back. Rides are a popular and lucrative tourist activity but many animal rights groups say it is cruel and stressful for the pachyderms. Accidents are fairly common. In June an elephant killed a Thai man eating dinner at a beachside restaurant. The victim had been talking to the animal's mahout when the it suddenly flipped out and with one motion skewered the diner.
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Fisherman Caught By Shark
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QUINT, Florida- A fisherman swam as quickly as he could after a 350 pound bull shark rammed into his kayak and tipped it over. After getting back on board Ben Chancey, who was searching for a goliath grouper when the shark took the bait, was towed all over the ocean as his friends hollered from other kayaks, trying to keep up."If you're in the water with them you're food," Chancey said. "It was the best moment of my life when I got back in that kayak." After towing Chancey for over an hour the bull shark tired and it was only at that point the fisherman felt safe letting this big fish go. "I paddled away and for the first time he wasn't interested in me anymore. Man, that was a good feeling."
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