April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Feral Pigs Hog Beach, Ruin Caribbean Vacation
NASSAU, Bahamas- Feral pigs have taken over the beach on Big Major Island. And some tourists have had it. "We didn't come down here to swim with pigs," said Jimmy Krandlehoff of Mason City, Iowa. "We paid a ton of money for this vacation just to end up swimming with pigs." Krandlehoff raises hogs on his Iowa farm.
"Can We Have Our Ball Back?"
KISSAPIPPEE, Florida- A family picnic/reunion was disrupted by a determined carp that kept stealing a ball from a large group of frightened children."If it was just once you'd say it was a freak accident but this fish was like an All-American corner back intercepting passes," said Slim Grabbee. "That thing scooted all over the field and just ruined their good time," said the frustrated father.
"It Ruined My Summer"
PISMO BEACH, California- Parsley Abel was surfing away her last summer before college when a shark, thought to be a great white, took a bite out of her board. "Before getting serious and all life-oriented I wanted to have one last good time summer and now it's ruined. No way I go back out in the water and once September comes my life is over," said the local wave rider.
Bear Loves Indoors
IRON MOUNTAIN, Michigan- A black bear just won't stay out of Sue Frumritter's house and it is hurting her love life. "I've done everything I can think of, but this bear just keeps breaking in, pushing open doors, windows... it just likes being in my house. I have to change my profile on e-harmony to include 'Lives with big hairy room-mate.'"
"It Just Wanted To Kill Me"
STINSON BEACH, California- Surfer Thom Platt has seen a great white close up and may never go in the ocean again. "I love surfing more than anything but I saw a look in that shark's eye that will keep me dry for the rest of my life. I could see the hate. That damn thing went for me but got my surfboard instead. I was lucky this time. I am not going to press my luck."
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