April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Deer Hates Human's Lawn Ornament
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VIROQUA, Wisconsin- A 640-pound concrete elk statue lies on its side in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye's home in rural Viroqua. The dead deer that tried to destroy it lies about 20 feet away. Some say the love-struck buck ran out of luck when it tried to mate with the 640-pound concrete statue in the Brye's backyard. Some say this was not an awkward and fatal attempt at lovemaking but a fight during the breeding season, commonly called the rut. But all Brye knows is "I could tell the buck poked the statue a couple of times by the chipped paint on it, and eventually it rammed it like a mountain goat. That was a mistake." Brye, is considering removing the antlers from the unlucky buck and gluing them on the elk statue as a remembrance of the strange but true story. "But I can't tip it back up until I get a whole bunch of guys to help me," he said.
Fish Are Attacing Commercial Fishermen
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CHIBA, Japan- Pink, slimy and repellent, the Nomura's jellyfish is an authentic horror of the deep that's been assaulting Japan. Now the creatures have sunk a 10-ton fishing trawler. The boat was capsized as its three-man crew was trying to haul in a net containing dozens of huge Nomura's jellyfish. Four years after they last reared their slimy heads, and for reasons that remain mysterious, an armada of the gelatinous giants has gathered in the Yellow Sea off China and the Korean peninsula. The Telegraph reports that the boat's crew was thrown into the sea. Professor Shinichi Ue at Hiroshima University, told the Yomiuri newspaper, "A huge jellyfish typhoon will hit the country." When the Nomuras grow larger than a metre in diameter, half a dozen of them can destroy a fishing net. The fish caught alongside them are poisoned and covered in slime and rendered unsaleable. So serious was the situation that salmon boats in northern Japan stopped going out, and in some places fishermen lost 80 per cent of their income. Even staff at some of the nuclear power plants along the Japan Sea coast found that the jellyfish got sucked into the pumps which take in sea water to cool the reactors. No one is sure about the reasons for the slimy plague.
Pet Bear Mauls Human Mommy
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ALLENTOWN, Pennsylvania - A woman was killed by a captive 350-pound black bear as she cleaned its cage Sunday night. Kelly Ann Walz, 37, was pronounced dead at the scene of her husband's exotic pet business, which he was operating with an expired license. Walz, has a lion, cougar, jaguar, tiger, black bear, leopard and two servals on the property. Kelly Ann Walz went into the bear's cage Sunday, throwing a shovelful of dog food to one side to distract the bear while she cleaned the other side. At some point the bear turned on her and attacked. Game officials on the scene told reporters, "Why this woman chose to go in the same area that the bear was in is beyond me. It's a fatal mistake. These things are wild animals. And apparently feeding them on a regular basis is not enough to keep them from killing you."
Giant Alien Snakes Invade America
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THE SOUTHERN UNITED STATES- Giant Alien Snakes: It's not the title of a creepy new horror movie. According to a study by the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS), nine species of giant snakes alien to North America will become established in the wild and wreak havoc on the ecosystem. These snakes can grow longer than 20 feet and weigh over 200 pounds. The slithering giants would be capable of surviving in the wild, and since they breed quickly and lack native predators, they could quickly cause trouble in U.S. ecosystems. So where did these snakes come from? Most of them were once pets that escaped or that people released into the wild. "If you want to be good to Mother Nature, do not under any circumstances let [your snake] go," study USGS zoologist Gordon Rodda. "They would rather live in your house and have you move outside, when it comes down to it, and with them at 200 pounds of raw muscle, you just might have to comply."
Dolphin Kills Eco-Tourist
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PICTON, New Zealand-An American tourist died while swimming with dolphins in the Marlborough Sounds this morning. The 27-year-old woman was on a Dolphin Watch EcoTours trip. She was found face down in the water after jumping in with a group of swimmers who came half way across the world to swim with the friendly dolphins. "We come here to support the dolphins," said EcoTours owner Skylar Brindle, adding, "The one who killed this woman just didn't understand that." But Marine Biologist Stephanie Miyakoshi has another idea. "Male dolphins know when a female is ovulating and get very excited and aggressive. When 400 pounds of dolphin rubs up against 115 pounds of land-based human, you might have problems."
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