February 19, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Mole Imitates Weiner, Ruins Honeymoon
SAN LUIS OBISPO, California- Lucy and Ray Hannah love the ocean and hiking in the nearby coastal range, which is why they decided to honeymoon here. "I am a devout Christian and saved myself till our love was blessed by God. And on my wedding night, just when the waiting was almost over I mistakenly grabbed that mole thing and now I don't know if I will ever get comfortable with 'that' part of married life," said the tearful bride. The couple was staying in a yert resort, whose circular tents are sometimes entered by small animals including the mole rat that caused the problems.
Super Sturgeon Un-Nerves Neenah
NEENAH, Wisconsin- There were rumors of a fresh water shark cruising the murky waters of Lake Winnebago. There was talk of a pet alligator that was dumped in the Fox River that not only survived the winter but thrived. But thanks to a gang of fearless fishermen it's now known the giant creature seen slithering under the docks of the Neenah marina and scaring boaters onto dry land was a record setting sturgeon. "There must be too many chemicals in our lakes and rivers, cuz' this sturgeon got crazy big," said veteran sturgeon fisherman Steve King.
Bow Babes Battle Big Heads...
MASON CITY, Illinois- Twins, Christine and Johnette Spreyer love to bow fish for big head carp on the Illinois River. And they are pretty good at it, too. But they never thought the invasive species, which weighs up to 60 pounds and likes to jump into the air, would someday attack them. "We were out trying to get rid of these foreign invaders and one went gonzo on my sister," said the unharmed Christine. Johnette was about to take a shot when a giant carp leaped up and smacked her smack in the jaw. "I never imagined anything could hurt so bad. In the emergency room..." {photo copyright www.billkonway.com Visit Bill's site for other great pictures]
Monster Rattler' Terrifies TownHomes
ST. AUGUSTINE SHORES, Florida- As if the Florida real estate market didn't have enough trouble, a KB Homes townhouse development got some additional bad news-it's home to giant rattlesnakes. Seven and eight foot snakes with enough venom to kill 48 average adults or 62 average senior citizens have been showing up around the property. "We'll find the daddy or mommy with the super sized DNA and this will be over," said KB spokesman Sue Wadel. But potential buyers have stayed away since the pictures of the giant vipers hit the news. "Once the nest is found this will be over. And we're offering a big bonus to any buyer who does get bit or brings one in," added Wadel.
Feline Crustacean Pact Suspected
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana- Can two different species of animals negotiate a cooperation pact? Can invertebrates and mammals speak to one another? Can a crustacean and a feline join forces to ruin a human vacation? If you ask Michelle Weiss and her family, the answers are Yes, Yes and Yes. According to the frazzled vacationers from Madison, WI they saw a feral cat with a crayfish riding on its head dash across a dock, jump into the row boat they rented in Hot Springs, AK and hurriedly scratch at something near the motor before being shooed off. Later that afternoon, while fishing on Lake Lepoota, "All hell broke loose," said the frustrated Michelle. "My husband smokes and tossed a butt and suddenly there was a fire ball and we're in the water. I am sure the cat and crayfish cut a leak in a hose. Why else were they there?"
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