June 25, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Super Sturgeon Un-Nerves Neenah
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NEENAH, Wisconsin- There were rumors of a fresh water shark cruising the murky waters of Lake Winnebago. There was talk of a pet alligator that was dumped in the Fox River that not only survived the winter but thrived. But thanks to a gang of fearless fishermen it's now known the giant creature seen slithering under the docks of the Neenah marina and scaring boaters onto dry land was a record setting sturgeon. "There must be too many chemicals in our lakes and rivers, cuz' this sturgeon got crazy big," said veteran sturgeon fisherman Steve King.
Bow Babes Battle Big Heads...
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MASON CITY, Illinois- Twins, Christine and Johnette Spreyer love to bow fish for big head carp on the Illinois River. And they are pretty good at it, too. But they never thought the invasive species, which weighs up to 60 pounds and likes to jump into the air, would someday attack them. "We were out trying to get rid of these foreign invaders and one went gonzo on my sister," said the unharmed Christine. Johnette was about to take a shot when a giant carp leaped up and smacked her smack in the jaw. "I never imagined anything could hurt so bad. In the emergency room..." {photo copyright www.billkonway.com Visit Bill's site for other great pictures]
Monster Rattler' Terrifies TownHomes
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ST. AUGUSTINE SHORES, Florida- As if the Florida real estate market didn't have enough trouble, a KB Homes townhouse development got some additional bad news-it's home to giant rattlesnakes. Seven and eight foot snakes with enough venom to kill 48 average adults or 62 average senior citizens have been showing up around the property. "We'll find the daddy or mommy with the super sized DNA and this will be over," said KB spokesman Sue Wadel. But potential buyers have stayed away since the pictures of the giant vipers hit the news. "Once the nest is found this will be over. And we're offering a big bonus to any buyer who does get bit or brings one in," added Wadel.
Feline Crustacean Pact Suspected
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BATON ROUGE, Louisiana- Can two different species of animals negotiate a cooperation pact? Can invertebrates and mammals speak to one another? Can a crustacean and a feline join forces to ruin a human vacation? If you ask Michelle Weiss and her family, the answers are Yes, Yes and Yes. According to the frazzled vacationers from Madison, WI they saw a feral cat with a crayfish riding on its head dash across a dock, jump into the row boat they rented in Hot Springs, AK and hurriedly scratch at something near the motor before being shooed off. Later that afternoon, while fishing on Lake Lepoota, "All hell broke loose," said the frustrated Michelle. "My husband smokes and tossed a butt and suddenly there was a fire ball and we're in the water. I am sure the cat and crayfish cut a leak in a hose. Why else were they there?"
Rehabbed Bear Turns on Human Helpers
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CAMBY, Oregon- Mike Abel has removed many bears from city dumps and ex-urban areas when they come in contact with humans. And to prepare them for a return to more remote areas he also tries to reacquant them with finding food as wild bears should. But apparently they don't like him for it. "Oh, I was one of those types who believed if you showed an animal love they would love you back," said the recovering naturalist. "But after seeing the look on that bear's face, I won't go near anything bigger than a chihuahua. It was awful. I rolled up into a ball like Ghandi and that bear beat me like a Viking on the loose in Ireland."
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