April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Skunk Bombs Away
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COTTAGE GROVE, Oregon- Joe Raade has seen a lot in his 19 years in the emergency medical service business but until this week he never seen a turkey vulture drop a skunk onto a windshield, causing the driver to total their car. "This is a one in a zillion thing," said the astonished medic. The victim, Linda Shands said, "I saw the vulture coming at me like a plane aligning itself for a landing, then I saw the skunk's tail hanging and I thought, 'Oh, don't you dare drop that on me' but it did and after the windshield cracked and the air bags went off I hit the cliff." Her vehicle was totaled, and Shand cracked two ribs. Raade has offered to back up her story if Shand has trouble with the police or her insurance company. "You could see talon punctures on the skunk carcass and three of the vultures were perched on a cliff above us watching as we put her in the ambulance. The vultures seemed to know what was happening."
...Busts Their Boat
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..."You should have seen the look in its eye as it flew past me onto the deck," said the shocked boater. "It looked angry. That was the sense I got. What a day! I was picking some potato salad off my shirt and suddenly a whale just misses my head."
Deer Suspected in Shooting
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SALEM TOWNSHIP, Pennyslvania- State Police are trying to piece together the puzzling death of a motorcyclist from Westmoreland County. "I've never seen an accident like this," Chief Deputy Coroner Paul Cycak told reporters. Cycak said troopers saw a dead deer on Route 819 in Salem Township, and a wrecked bike with a man underneath it, and assumed the man died from injuries he suffered in a crash with the deer. But when they lifted the motorcyle off the body, they found a gun and discovered a bullet wound in the back of his head. While a self-inflicted wound is possible, the coroner said it isn't common for such a gunshot to happen in the rear of the head, especially while driving a motorcycle. So, who shot the cyclist? Is it possible the driver went down after colliding with the animal and tried to use his weapon to finish it off, but then had the gun turned on himself by the deer? "We're leaving it up to the coroner but that theory is in play," said State Trooper Cass Pulaski.
Gregarious Granny Guns Gator
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BOCA RATON, Florida- Sadie Finkelstein has seen too many alligators park themselves outside her Florida home. Twice she has almost gotten bit going out to get the morning paper. But now, she is packing heat and the porch parking 'gators better pay attention because the 86 year old is ready to fight back. "I love reading the New York Times and if those 'gators keep me from getting it off the porch they are going to eat lead," said the generally jolly grandmother.
Barracuda Jumps In Boat and Attacks Teen
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PANAMA BEACH, Florida- Koral Wira was named after the sea and its tranquility, not the terror she experienced on Sunday morning. While fishing with her family in the Gulf of Mexico, the 14-year-old girl was attacked by a 45-inch barracuda while innocently sitting in a boat. The barracuda jumped from the water, flew across the boat like a bullet, clamped onto the girl's left arm, chomped away for several minutes while her family desperately tried to drag it off, and finally did but not before her limb was turned into "raw hamburger," according to her father. Wira had incision-like bite marks from her elbow to her wrist, and the wounds required 51 stitches to close. "It was something out of 'Jaws,' it was that scary," said Dina Parker, Wira's mother. "We'll never go back out there again. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever been through." Wira's brother Ben, threw the barracuda into the water and said "It looked me right in the eye for about 10 seconds before it swam off. Real spooky."
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