April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Hello, My Name is Bob
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DURANGO, Colorado- Ollie "Big Swede" Petersen looked forward to a post-retirement road trip where he'd seek out and photograph the wildlife of the Rockies. He finally got to take that trip but didn't have to look for the wildlife because it found him. Petersen said, "I'm driving along thinking I'm going to be hiking into the back country but suddenly there's these two bears right on the road. They looked like they just met, said hello, nuzzled a bit and went off on a dinner date."
Are You Enjoying Your Dinner, Dear?
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..."No need to hike in and schlep equipment all over the place. I just had to pull over."
Sure, I'll Call You... I Will...
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...The only thing missing from the dinner date modern bears go on is a movie. Otherwise, they act just like humans."
Monkeys Grab Woman's Chalupa
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ISLA MUEJERES, Mexico- The sea monkeys used to be a tourist attraction for local resorts but since they have become aggressive food thieves they are now driving them away. And some are suing. "How can they keep these filthy things around here? One of the little beasts stole my Chalupa and I was really hungry. That thing ruined my vacation," said Mary Kay Kapingst, who brought legal action against the hotel which hosts the sea monkeys. "They are awfully grabby things, those monkeys. I think it wasn't just the food they were after."
Weight Lifting Chimp Likes Hairless Look
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SAN DIEGO, California- Arnold the chimpanzee is the strongest chimp at the San Diego Zoo. His trainers loved to show him videos of human weight lifting competitors to see if he would imitate their behavior. Well, that's when things went too far. Not only did Arnold start lifting rocks and logs in an attempt to bulk up but he somehow shaved his body hair to look more like his body hairless human heroes. "If he could oil himself up I think he would," said head trainer Bengt Durkee. "Arnold must have snatched one of our razors when he was in the locker room and has been shaving himself ever since. We knew they liked to imitate us, but this kind of scares me."
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