January 21, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Fox Turns Tables On Hunter
MOSCOW, Russia- A wounded fox shot its would be killer in Belarus by pulling the trigger on the hunter's gun while he tried to finish the animal off with the butt of his rifle. The unnamed hunter, who had approached the fox after wounding it from a distance, was in the hospital with a leg wound, while the fox made its escape. "The fox played dead for awhile and then pulled the trigger with its paw," a witness was quoted as saying. "I don't know what my grandpa was thinking. Why finish something off with the butt of your rifle when that something you're trying to finish off is wild, has teeth, is angry at you, and you have lots more bullets!?"
Female Panda Does Not Want To Mate
SAN DIEGO, California- It's hard enough to get reluctant pandas to mate but what to do when the female so dislikes the male she tries to pick a lock to escape him presence? "We knew Lack Schmee was not going to give herself up easily but she dislikes Sing Sing so much we can't keep her away from the lock on her enclosure. She has seen us open and close it and figures this must be her way out. Poor Sing Sing tries but this date is not going well," said Mike Koste, Director of Zoo Breeding Programs.
Cow Steals Watch
POLONIA, Wisconsin- Florian Klasinski has worn the same watch since his 1968 tour of duty in Viet Nam. Through decades of hunting and fishing and farming he has never broken or lost his much loved timepiece. But then his bull, Rocky, stole it. "That dink grabbed that watch right off my wrist with his tongue. I was in Vegas once and a magician did the same thing with his hands but that was just part of the act. Eventually the Amazing What's-His-Face gave me the watch back. But Rocky is hanging on to it. I guess I have to keep checking. Might have to take a metal detector out to the pasture 'cuz I haven't given up on it."
Hello, My Name is Bob
DURANGO, Colorado- Ollie "Big Swede" Petersen looked forward to a post-retirement road trip where he'd seek out and photograph the wildlife of the Rockies. He finally got to take that trip but didn't have to look for the wildlife because it found him. Petersen said, "I'm driving along thinking I'm going to be hiking into the back country but suddenly there's these two bears right on the road. They looked like they just met, said hello, nuzzled a bit and went off on a dinner date."
Are You Enjoying Your Dinner, Dear?
..."No need to hike in and schlep equipment all over the place. I just had to pull over."
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