April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

They Put Differences Aside And Worked Together
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DALBY, Australia- This part of the world has been hit by devastating floods and, now, to add insult to injury cold-blooded enemies are working together in frightening ways. Usually snakes eat frogs and vice versa but in tough times these two species are working together to take over the few areas that are left above water. "Dozens of snakes are ferrying frogs over to my barn. At first it was cute but now it's like a plague from the Bible, I've got frogs everywhere and they've eaten everything," said frustrated sheep farmer, Milton Calderra. "These snakes are like a skinny, evil trolley delivering pure hungry evil right to my barn."
Dog and Dolphin Are Best Friends
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KEEF BAY, Turks and Caicos- Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richard's has employed guitar tech Pete Goodwine for decades to take care of the famed rocker's collection of instruments. And for the past 11 years Goodwine has brought his Golden Lab, Brown Sugar, with him to the islands for work. Brown Sugar, as a puppy, made friends with Macawber the dolphin and they have been playmates ever since. "Brownie will dash right to the beach as soon as we get out of the cab and bark and bark until Macawber shows up. Then they play and swim and carry on, it's such a joy to watch," said Goodwine. When asked why he thought these two species got along, Richards said, "Dolphins and dogs are the only two species that have ever been given their own TV shows, so all the Lassies and Flippers now get along."
Fox Turns Tables On Hunter
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MOSCOW, Russia- A wounded fox shot its would be killer in Belarus by pulling the trigger on the hunter's gun while he tried to finish the animal off with the butt of his rifle. The unnamed hunter, who had approached the fox after wounding it from a distance, was in the hospital with a leg wound, while the fox made its escape. "The fox played dead for awhile and then pulled the trigger with its paw," a witness was quoted as saying. "I don't know what my grandpa was thinking. Why finish something off with the butt of your rifle when that something you're trying to finish off is wild, has teeth, is angry at you, and you have lots more bullets!?"
Female Panda Does Not Want To Mate
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SAN DIEGO, California- It's hard enough to get reluctant pandas to mate but what to do when the female so dislikes the male she tries to pick a lock to escape him presence? "We knew Lack Schmee was not going to give herself up easily but she dislikes Sing Sing so much we can't keep her away from the lock on her enclosure. She has seen us open and close it and figures this must be her way out. Poor Sing Sing tries but this date is not going well," said Mike Koste, Director of Zoo Breeding Programs.
Cow Steals Watch
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POLONIA, Wisconsin- Florian Klasinski has worn the same watch since his 1968 tour of duty in Viet Nam. Through decades of hunting and fishing and farming he has never broken or lost his much loved timepiece. But then his bull, Rocky, stole it. "That dink grabbed that watch right off my wrist with his tongue. I was in Vegas once and a magician did the same thing with his hands but that was just part of the act. Eventually the Amazing What's-His-Face gave me the watch back. But Rocky is hanging on to it. I guess I have to keep checking. Might have to take a metal detector out to the pasture 'cuz I haven't given up on it."
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