February 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Cow Steals Watch
POLONIA, Wisconsin- Florian Klasinski has worn the same watch since his 1968 tour of duty in Viet Nam. Through decades of hunting and fishing and farming he has never broken or lost his much loved timepiece. But then his bull, Rocky, stole it. "That dink grabbed that watch right off my wrist with his tongue. I was in Vegas once and a magician did the same thing with his hands but that was just part of the act. Eventually the Amazing What's-His-Face gave me the watch back. But Rocky is hanging on to it. I guess I have to keep checking. Might have to take a metal detector out to the pasture 'cuz I haven't given up on it."
Hello, My Name is Bob
DURANGO, Colorado- Ollie "Big Swede" Petersen looked forward to a post-retirement road trip where he'd seek out and photograph the wildlife of the Rockies. He finally got to take that trip but didn't have to look for the wildlife because it found him. Petersen said, "I'm driving along thinking I'm going to be hiking into the back country but suddenly there's these two bears right on the road. They looked like they just met, said hello, nuzzled a bit and went off on a dinner date."
Are You Enjoying Your Dinner, Dear?
..."No need to hike in and schlep equipment all over the place. I just had to pull over."
Sure, I'll Call You... I Will...
...The only thing missing from the dinner date modern bears go on is a movie. Otherwise, they act just like humans."
Monkeys Grab Woman's Chalupa
ISLA MUEJERES, Mexico- The sea monkeys used to be a tourist attraction for local resorts but since they have become aggressive food thieves they are now driving them away. And some are suing. "How can they keep these filthy things around here? One of the little beasts stole my Chalupa and I was really hungry. That thing ruined my vacation," said Mary Kay Kapingst, who brought legal action against the hotel which hosts the sea monkeys. "They are awfully grabby things, those monkeys. I think it wasn't just the food they were after."
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