February 19, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Elk Ruin Rummage Sale
DURANGO, Colorado- Randi Burton was hoping to get a jump on the rummage season by being the first in her neighborhood to host a garage sale. "We have tons of stuff to get rid of, skis, golf clubs, skate boards, snow boards, tennis racks, because our kids are very uncoordinated. We don't want any more broken bones and hoped to get rid of it all this weekend but these damn elk moved in for the whole weekend and scared everyone off. One older couple parked in front of the house but an elk just tapped on their window with its antler so they took off."
The Miracle of Mint
Bad breath can be awkward for everyone but today you can offer your faithful friends with halitosis the miracle mint no believer will turn down or be insulted by. Visit Catholic Supply of St. Louis and order your Last Supper After Dinner Mints today.
Squirrel Causes Man To Lose Security Deposit
ROSHOLT, Wisconsin- Ernie Berard is sticking by his story that a squirrel jumped on his head and forced him to drive his motorcycle into his apartment and ruin the floors but his landlord, Emil Booher, is not buying it. Berard claims, "It was warm enough to get the hog out for the first ride this year and I was having a great time, then that squirrel jumps me as I was pulling up and I ended up busting through my own front door and doing donuts in living room trying to shake the damn thing off my scalp." Booher, though, isn't buying it, noting that Berard's apartment is on the second floor.
Baled Up Badger Chases Farmer Off Farm
CRABKNEE, Oklahoma- David Gormley thinks he might give up smoking after stopping his tractor, leaning up against a freshly mowed and rolled bale of hay and coming face to face with an angry badger. "Scared the hell out of me. I don't think I'll sleep again," reports the fearful Gormley. Making matters worse, Gormley figured it would be wise to cut the badger free before it either chewed through the bindings or died and ruined his hay. Unfortunately, the angry badger chased Gormley, literally, into the next county. "I ran 1500 yards all the way into Puckett County. Figured it would stop when I crossed Turner Highway but it didn't stop chasing me till I climbed up onto a UPS truck in the Wal-Mart parking lot."
Jet-Bird Freaks Out Senior Citizen Center
MONTGOMERY, Alabama- Workers at a home for senior citizens had a lot of excited residents on their hands after they thought they saw the world's first hybrid bird jet. "We tried our darndest to convince the residents there was no such thing as a bird jet but some of them had to be sedated for awhile. They couldn't understand why we wouldn't call this in to the police," said Debbie Kranzusch, a worker at the home.
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