April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Baby Loves Sausage
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RHINELANDER, Wisconsin- Like any baby, Kurt Vander Elsen Jr., laughs at lots of things. But the thing that makes little Kurt go absolutely wild is watching his Dad make venison sausage. "I think we are going to have to hunt illegally out of season just to keep Junior happy," said Kurt Sr. "We tried to run some store bought meat through the sausage maker and he didn't like it. It has to be wild game or little Kurt is not happy. And I don't think the DNR is going to buy the excuse I was huntin' out of season to keep my kid from crying."
Shark Learns..
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PERTH, Australia- A group of marine biologists learned something about the great white shark the hard way-at least one of them can picks locks. While filming from a protective shark cage, cinematographer Carl Liebe was confronted by a shark that stuck it's snout into his enclosure. "That's happened a thousand times before and didn't bother me," said Liebe.
Squirrels and Snakes Short Circuit City
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BETHESDA, Maryland- Lights went out in part of Bethesda on Sunday, and it was all because of a squirrel. Squirrels are a significant cause of power outages, and the utilities make substantial efforts to keep them out of substations and off transmission wires. Repair crews "did find the remains of an electrocuted squirrel in our switch gear," spokesman Art Anderson said. It was at least the second outage attributed to wildlife in the metropolitan area in recent weeks. On Easter Sunday, the intrusion of a snake into a substation in the Upper Marlboro area cut power to about 6,800 homes and businesses. Easter Mass was halted at St. Bernards Catholic Church with some parishioners thinking the flickering lights meant something.
Police Shoot Lawn Ornament
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INDEPENDENCE, Missouri- A resident called police claiming his children spotted an alligator while playing in the woods. Officers responded and shot the reptile as it lurked menacingly in the weeds leading to a nearby pond. It wasn't until the second shot bounced off the 'gator's head that the officers realized they had mortally wounded a concrete lawn ornament. Tom Gentry, a police spokesman said, "The first clue was the thing didn't move after being shot in the head, twice. But we now know our officers can hit a non-moving object the size of an alligator two out of two times." The concrete alligator was put there to scare kids off the owner's property. Before leaving the officers suggested a No Trespassing sign be used instead.
Bear Takes Vacation In Rain Barrel
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NEDERLAND, Colorado- Marcus Lesher has tried to make his property as "green" as possible. Rain barrels collect what he hopes to use to water his plants. Except when a black bear keeps plopping itself into those rain barrels and dumping most of the water on the ground. "I am never surprised to see bears sniffing around here but why does this one have to drop his butt into all my barrels? All I am going to have left in the yard is cactus."
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