August 19, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Squirrels Dishonor America and Police Memorial
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TOLEDO, Ohio- Police in Ohio have discovered that flags being swiped from a police memorial were being squirreled away. Two Toledo officers staked out the crime scene and observed a squirrel snatching a flag and running off with it. But, Lt. James Brown told reporters the bushy-tailed critter was too quick to apprehend. Upon further investigation, several known associates were spotted in possession of the stolen property sitting in their squirrel's nest made of at least two of the flags. Brown's pointed out he can't prove all the thefts were the work of the same squirrel, but added, "They are stealing, then degrading our nation's symbol. When we will be allowed to fight back?"
Deer Hammers Granny But Grandpa Wins the Battle
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GRANTS PASS, Oregon- An 80 year old Josephine County woman found herself in a sudden struggle to save her life as an aggressive buck repeatedly attacked her. Eva Speicher lives with deer around her home so did not expect her life might be in danger. But on Tuesday one four-legged neighbor knocked her unconscious right in her front yard and when she awoke the angry deer was still poking at her. The buck even bit her. That's when Eva grabbed its antlers causing the buck to fall, giving her a chance to get away. But the crazed animal wasn’t finished; he continued to attack her as she headed for the house. And that's when her sharp shooter husband Bert leveled his rifle out of a front room window and stopped the demonic deer in its tracks. "I never liked him keeping loaded guns all over the place when we were younger and these days he is a little shaky but it still worked out in my favor," said his grateful but bruised wife.
Suicide Cow Hits Truck, Spills Milk
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CLINTON, Wisconsin- The driver of a semitrailer truck carrying milk escaped serious injury after his rig hit a cow on U.S. 51 about two miles south of Clinton. Larry Foster was traveling north when his milk truck struck a cow that darted out onto the roadway. After the impact, Foster’s truck spun into the median, flipped over, and lost it's entire load of milk, said Deputy David Lansford of the DeWitt County Sheriff’s Department. "I swear the look in that cow's eyes right before impact said, 'How dare you sell our milk without profit sharing for the cows," declared Foster, a union member.
Researched Great White Jumps Onto Research Boat
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SEAL ISLAND, South Africa- A group of researchers attempting to lure sharks close to their boat went too far when a ten-foot-long great white leapt onto their vessel. “I hear a splash, turned and saw a white shark breach the water and then hover, literally, hover over the crew member who was chumming [throwing food bait] on the port side,” Dorien Schroeder, the study's team leader, told reporters. Schroeder said she managed to pull her colleague to safety before the half-ton shark landed and then became wedged between equipment on the boat’s deck. The researchers believe the shark probably mistook the vessel’s shadow for prey. "Apparently great whites will eat just about anything because our boat is way bigger than them. Or, maybe this shark was just tired of being researched by us. Maybe they don't want us to know much about them. But if people hear that great whites can leap up and hover over targeted humans there goes the sport fishing industry."
Bulls Are Everywhere
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ENSENADA, Mexico- Pat McGuire had been to Rosarita Beach on vacation and was chased into the water by a bull. So he and his friends decided to try Ensenada and see if things were a littler calmer there. And when they pulled into town they say saw a bull chasing vacationers into the harbor. "Next time we are going stay inland or go to a beach where they don't have bulls anywhere nearby," said the bewildered McGuire.
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