April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Suicide Cow Hits Truck, Spills Milk
CLINTON, Wisconsin- The driver of a semitrailer truck carrying milk escaped serious injury after his rig hit a cow on U.S. 51 about two miles south of Clinton. Larry Foster was traveling north when his milk truck struck a cow that darted out onto the roadway. After the impact, Foster’s truck spun into the median, flipped over, and lost it's entire load of milk, said Deputy David Lansford of the DeWitt County Sheriff’s Department. "I swear the look in that cow's eyes right before impact said, 'How dare you sell our milk without profit sharing for the cows," declared Foster, a union member.
Researched Great White Jumps Onto Research Boat
SEAL ISLAND, South Africa- A group of researchers attempting to lure sharks close to their boat went too far when a ten-foot-long great white leapt onto their vessel. “I hear a splash, turned and saw a white shark breach the water and then hover, literally, hover over the crew member who was chumming [throwing food bait] on the port side,” Dorien Schroeder, the study's team leader, told reporters. Schroeder said she managed to pull her colleague to safety before the half-ton shark landed and then became wedged between equipment on the boat’s deck. The researchers believe the shark probably mistook the vessel’s shadow for prey. "Apparently great whites will eat just about anything because our boat is way bigger than them. Or, maybe this shark was just tired of being researched by us. Maybe they don't want us to know much about them. But if people hear that great whites can leap up and hover over targeted humans there goes the sport fishing industry."
Bulls Are Everywhere
ENSENADA, Mexico- Pat McGuire had been to Rosarita Beach on vacation and was chased into the water by a bull. So he and his friends decided to try Ensenada and see if things were a littler calmer there. And when they pulled into town they say saw a bull chasing vacationers into the harbor. "Next time we are going stay inland or go to a beach where they don't have bulls anywhere nearby," said the bewildered McGuire.
Bear Safety TV Taping Invaded By a BEAR!
CODY, Wyoming- Two days after a rare fatal mauling by a mother grizzly in Yellowstone National Park, a black bear interrupted the taping of a news segment on bear safety. A CNN crew was working with Yellowstone biologist Kerry Gunther on a bear-safety story when, in the background, they spotted hiker Erin Prophet being slowly followed by black bear as she walked to the edge of a lake. Prophet, who had been trailed by the bear for quite awhile, finally escaped by slipping into the water and swimming away. Park officials said Prophet did the right thing by not panicking and casually moving away but that using this once in a lifetime footage might scare off visitors to the park. "I mean, what are the odds that we're shooting a video on bear safety and one just shows up? It might seem like they are just so all over the place you can't avoid them or they will chase you into frigid lakes against your will," said Sue Wadel, a park official.
Eagle Drops Fawn, Causes Outage
MISSOULA, Montana- According to witnesses, a recent power outage was triggered by a dead deer on a power line. Lee Bridges said when the power went out, she went outside and noticed an eagle perched atop a nearby spruce tree staring at the dead fawn. According to Bridges, the eagle must have dropped the fawn on the power line, triggering the power outage. "It could have dropped it by mistake but it just stared at that fawn like it was waiting for it to get done cooking. When the crew got the fawn off the line it did have grill marks on it so maybe the eagle was trying to barbecue."
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