February 19, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Viral Bear Waving Video Could Backfire
SEQUIM, Washington- A video of a young girl waving to a giant Kodiak bear at the Olympic Game Farm in Sequim has gone viral on the internet because to her astonishment, and delight, the bear just as excitedly, waves back. This particular bear retired to the Olympic facility after a long career in show business, but zoologist Dieter Hanterschaum worries if kids grow up thinking all bears are as friendly as this one it could lead to disaster down the road. "If some kid on a field trip comes across a wild bear and waves at it, that is tantamount to saying, 'Eat me.'"
Deer Insist On Going Fishing
SITKA, Alaska- Tom Satre had not gotten out on his boat all summer and fall but finally got a break in his schedule for one Saturday out fishing. Only one problem, four deer swam out to his boat before he got a line wet and demanded to come aboard. "Strangest thing I have ever seen. Four deer headed straight for me and banged on the swim platform till I let them on board. What do you do then? I headed in and got them off the boat and called the wife to tell her about it. She told me she just broke the garbage disposal, so I headed home. Those deer saved a bunch a fish from being caught," said the frustrated occasional fisherman.
Whale Attacks Only Dentist In Town
KIPPERING, Alaska- A whale nearly ruined the teeth of everyone in the tiny village of Kippering. The only dentist working in a 50 mile radius, Dr. Peter Puudnaut, was out kayaking when a grey whale nearly swallowed him whole. Puudnaut said when he was in the giant maw of the whale "My only thought was, 'Row like like a mother, you stupid son of a %&@#!." He then added, "As I was dropping into the whales mouth for some reason I thought 'If I die who is going to fix Nanook Tibute's abscess at 4?' Then I said, 'Paddle, schmuck.'" Dr. Puudnaut escaped being a human herring by fractions of a second and the teeth of Kippering and the surrounding area will continue to be served.
Dog Shoots Man
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah- A Utah hunter was shot in the buttocks after his dog stepped on his shotgun which he had just laid across the bow of a boat. Deputy Kevin Potter says the 46-year-old man climbed out of the boat to move decoys and seconds later his dog stepped on the gun, causing it to fire. It wasn't clear whether the safety on the gun was on at the time. Potter says the man was hit from about 10 feet away with 27 pellets of bird-shot but his waders saved him from more serious trauma. Potter said the man thought he saw his dog pawing at the safety out of the corner of his eye but hunting experts think the man was just making excuses to save himself from embarrassment.
Deer Hijakcs Minivan
WAYLAND, Michigan- An unwanted travel companion joined Ralph Long of Wayland and his fiancée as they were driving to the store. A 4-point buck was running north and leapt through the rear driver's side window and landed in the back of Long's Dodge Caravan, police said. Long looked in his rear view mirror and saw the animal trying to stand up. Fearing the deer would either attack or force him to drive somewhere he didn't want to go Long immediately stopped the vehicle in the middle of the road and he and his fiancée jumped out. When they opened the side sliding door the deer fell out onto the road after which the highway patrol arrived to dispatch the hitch hiker. "I was on my way to get my deer license but after this I figured I'd skip hunting this year," said Long.
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