February 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Whale Attacks Only Dentist In Town
image
KIPPERING, Alaska- A whale nearly ruined the teeth of everyone in the tiny village of Kippering. The only dentist working in a 50 mile radius, Dr. Peter Puudnaut, was out kayaking when a grey whale nearly swallowed him whole. Puudnaut said when he was in the giant maw of the whale "My only thought was, 'Row like like a mother, you stupid son of a %&@#!." He then added, "As I was dropping into the whales mouth for some reason I thought 'If I die who is going to fix Nanook Tibute's abscess at 4?' Then I said, 'Paddle, schmuck.'" Dr. Puudnaut escaped being a human herring by fractions of a second and the teeth of Kippering and the surrounding area will continue to be served.
Dog Shoots Man
image
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah- A Utah hunter was shot in the buttocks after his dog stepped on his shotgun which he had just laid across the bow of a boat. Deputy Kevin Potter says the 46-year-old man climbed out of the boat to move decoys and seconds later his dog stepped on the gun, causing it to fire. It wasn't clear whether the safety on the gun was on at the time. Potter says the man was hit from about 10 feet away with 27 pellets of bird-shot but his waders saved him from more serious trauma. Potter said the man thought he saw his dog pawing at the safety out of the corner of his eye but hunting experts think the man was just making excuses to save himself from embarrassment.
Deer Hijakcs Minivan
image
WAYLAND, Michigan- An unwanted travel companion joined Ralph Long of Wayland and his fiancée as they were driving to the store. A 4-point buck was running north and leapt through the rear driver's side window and landed in the back of Long's Dodge Caravan, police said. Long looked in his rear view mirror and saw the animal trying to stand up. Fearing the deer would either attack or force him to drive somewhere he didn't want to go Long immediately stopped the vehicle in the middle of the road and he and his fiancée jumped out. When they opened the side sliding door the deer fell out onto the road after which the highway patrol arrived to dispatch the hitch hiker. "I was on my way to get my deer license but after this I figured I'd skip hunting this year," said Long.
"Junior Is Not Going To Miss His Deer"
image
HOT SPRINGS, Arkansas- Some hunters follow the rules, some hunters bend the rules, but Jerry Kutchnik throws out the rules and says "My boy is going to bag a deer before the age of ten and I don't care what kind of weapon it takes to get him there. When he gets older, or if we get him that eye surgery deal, I'll make Junior use something a little more sportin' but right now I'm giving him something he just can't miss with." The local office of the ATF has been contacted by neighbors and is looking into the matter.
Hammerheads Hammer Vacationers
image
CHRISTO DE LAS CRUCES, Mexico- The average experienced scuba diver gets 45 minutes or so from a tank of air. And the inexperienced Richard C. Johnson family of Houston, Texas needed all 45 and then some on their first dive during a Cozumel vacation. "We told the guide we had never done this before but they said no problemo. Suddenly we were sitting on the bottom and believe it or not we could tell the gestures the guy was making meant 'Breathe really slowly.' We did. Every hammerhead in the world seemed to pass by. By the time we could surface we were holding our breath."
Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72