January 21, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

I'll Rub Yours For Food
HOUSTON, Texas- Richard C. Johnson believes he has witnessed the first proof of non-human capitalism. A veterinarian at the Houston County Zoo, Johnson observes several species of monkeys on a day to day basis and according to him a female named Lola is in business as a masseuse. Various species of monkeys visit Lola for a thorough rub down and "pay her with food and shiny objects they find," according to Johnson. "I saw one Howler monkey give Lola a quarter after a long massage and that's when it occurred to me what was going on."
Bird Smile Signal To Rest of Flock
PENSACOLA, Florida- Birds have been observed recently flying in formations that seem to have some sort of symbolic intent. "We see smiles formations, arrows that point, and one day we thought we saw a bird question mark," reports resident Cindy Coyle. "I don't know what it means but I am keeping an eye on them."
Tyke Taunts Terrible Tom
AUSTIN, Texas- One of the great rodeo bulls of all time, Terrible Tom, has been retired to the Lazy D ranch owned by James J. "Jimmy" Morin. When Jimmy Jr. first met Terrible Tom he was a little intimated but now his dad says "Jimmy ain't backin' down from Terrible T, in fact, he's buckin' for a fight. I don't know what he thinks he's doing but Junior has a 'tude 'bout T.T. T.T. had enough one day and shoved Junior into the dust. Kind of funny. Hope my little guy learned something. Don't pick a fight with a bull."
Urban Coyote Snatches Daschund
MADISON, Wisconsin- A family is still looking for their dog that was snatched by an urban coyote. At 5:30 a.m. Mary Lee Wagnus let the family's Dachshund, Buster, out into the yard, left briefly and returned in time to see a coyote run off with Buster in its mouth. Experts say Madison has an endemic coyote population and the nocturnal animals are well-adjusted to urban life, coming out from parks and other areas at dawn and dusk. "They may not be viewing another dog as food," added Patrick Comfert from Public Health of Dane County. "They may be viewing it as competition for territory or a mate." Wagnus finds the idea that her little Buster could be perceived as competition for an amorous male coyote as insult to injury. "Old Buster could barely get himself back up our steps let alone service a coyote."
Buck Hates Christmas and Capitalism
BOUNTIFUL, Utah- Parents with little kids know they spend much of December waiting for Santa Claus to show up. Marla and Casey Keller's kids got their expected visit from Santa but a five-foot buck got inside the house, too. Not long after Santa stopped the deer came in and stomped all over the packages Santa had just left turning them into a pile of paper and ribbon and toy remains. "When you're waiting for Santa's reindeer to land on your roof, and one of them comes through your basement window, well, our kids are not gonna forget it," said Casey Keller. The buck tripped on a basement window-well and crashed though the egress window, then into the room where all the presents were. Marla said, "Our kids now think Santa travels with some pretty clumsy reindeer." Officers with Wildlife Resources came and had to put the deer down to get it out. To keep the kids from seeing it Casey drove them over to his parents but on the way another deer jumped in front of the car and hit them broadside. "I've had enough of these deer, I can tell you that."
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