March 22, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Tortoise Wants Out
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TATTACOOCHIE, Florida- It's hard enough to keep a zoo running but when your tortoise escapes because your fences aren't tall enough, you might just have to give up. Which is what Ann Page, director of the county zoo, did when she saw Zeke, the tortoise, climb out of his pen. "Kids used to love to pet Zeke. He was a big attraction, helped keep us from going under financially. When I saw Zeke climbing out I just snapped and threw in the towel." The Zoo board has filed for Chapter 11 protection. Zeke's whereabouts are unknown.
Chopper Chopped By Roaming Buffalo
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MONTGOMERY, Kansas- A collision between a motorcycle and a buffalo has landed a Kansas man in the hospital with serious injuries. A 49-year-old Independence man was riding his motorcycle when he ran into a buffalo standing in the middle of the road, around a blind curve. State Patrol troopers say the victim reported the buffalo took his motorcycle broadside in the rib cage and walked away without even a limp, before the man passed out.
Swordfish Pierced Skin of Deep Sea Submarine
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WASHINGTON, D.C.- Alvin, a famous US Navy deep sea submarine, survived the extreme conditions of deep sea exploration looking for lost hydrogen bombs, surveying the Titanic, and exploring a hydrothermal vent for the first time in history. But in 1967, it barely survived an encounter with a swordfish. Alvin was attacked at a depth of around 2,000 feet, in the Bahamas. The pilots heard a big metallic noise, the whole submarine shook, and something penetrated the outer hull. When they surfaced the crew saw they had nearly been sunk by the giant 1500 pound broad bill. The report of the attack had been given Top Secret status by officials who feared the Soviets had trained swordfish and sharks to harass and kill US Navy personnel. The file was declassified recently because the Pentagon believed the public should be aware of what swordfish are capable of on their own. This particular swordfish failed in its mission, and was cooked by the crew afterwards.
Cat Always Loses But Still Loves Trivial Pursuit
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WARROAD, Minnesota- Long winters lead to lots of indoor games in this part of Minnesota, and generally the players are all human. Except in the Pella household. There, their cat, Dexter, loves to play Trivial Pursuit. Dexter never wins but insists on rolling the dice and moving a game piece. "We ask Dexter the question, he never answers and we move on, but if we don't let him play, he swats everything off the board," said Marvin Pella.
Posting To Facebook Leads To Death
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HOFFMAN, Montana- Chris Paul was confronted by an aggressive bear while hiking through the Appleburg Range Park last week. Paul did, at least, one smart thing-he climbed a tree, getting himself away from the bear. Sadly, Paul also thought it was important to post real time updates on his situation to his Facebook page. "We found partial human remains and an iPhone near the tree," said Deputy Sheriff Scott Taylor. Paul's last post to Facebook was, "Look at those teeth... going in for a close up."
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