February 19, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Pool Lice Ruin Olympics For Water Polo Player
LONDON, England- Digby Latham worked for twelves years to make the UK mens waterpolo team and a bad case of pool lice undid his dreams just as they were being realized. "Just couldn't bloody take it... I had to give up my spot on the squad. The BBC said they couldn't have me live on air scratchy my junk but I couldn't stop it. Damn bloody buggers, pool lice ruined it for me," said the frustrated athlete.
Friendly Moose Bites Off Ear After Posing For Picture
GRAND RAPIDS, Minnesota- It is very tempting for humans to "humanize" wild animals and believe they mean no harm. But sometimes that thinking can lead to real trouble. Just ask Jonny Gomez who posed for a picture with a local moose, who then bit part of his ear off. "I thought it would make a great Facebook picture, me and a moose, cuz' the thing acted like it just wanted to poke its head in and hang out but once the shutter went it just chomps me. I'm like... really? Dude, you just ate my ear? Man, you suck."
Bears Ruin Vacation
YELLOWSTONE, Wyoming- Many Americans hit the road during the summer months and often they choose America's national parks as a destination. In tough economic times, the choice of how and where to spend your vacation is more and more a factor, too. Brenda and Bert Borchardt thought they had figured out how to maximize their vacation budget, except for one factor-bears! Once their five and six year olds saw bears inside their van there was no way their two kids would ever sleep inside again during this road trip vacation, and certainly not outside in a tent. "We splurged for a hotel for a few nights but then had to head for home. Damn bears ruined everything," said the disgruntled Brenda Borchardt.
"Next vacation, Kansas!"
NAUSET BEACH, Massachusetts- Sunbathers first spotted the shark following two kayakers and yelled to the men offshore. One of the kayakers, turned, saw the shark and quickly paddled in, while it took the other one, Walter Szulc Jr., a little while longer to notice the dorsal fin just feet away from him. “There were hundreds of people on the beach, and they were all yelling paddle paddle, paddle!” said Szulc. "When I looked behind me the shark was pretty much right there. It was good-sized, it had a fin sticking out, I had seen 'Jaws' about a millions times, I just turned and paddled," It was the first time Szulc had kayaked and he said, "It might be my last." Szulc said his next vacation will be in Kansas, even though he doesn't know anybody there. "I am sure there is something to look at or do and you are really far from sharks."
"How To Keep Dingoes From Eating Your Baby"
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota- The Minneapolis Star-Tribune, a main stream family newspaper, recently ran a story with the headline "How to keep dingoes from eating your baby." An Australian coroner recently declared that a dingo was responsible for the 1980 death of infant Azaria Chamberlain. In clearing the child's parents of responsibility the coroner noted that more recent dingo attacks have proven the wild dogs willing and able to attack small humans. What other animals are known to prey on human children? Lions, tigers and bears, saltwater crocodiles, jaguars, wolves, and spotted hyenas clearly view humans as a potential foodstuff. They prefer vulnerable children to adults, but they have been known to hunt adults, as well. A group of smaller animals, including dingoes, coyotes, cougars and chimpanzees, are more selective and opportunistic. The Star-Tribune said they ran the story because more and more Minnesotans travel to Australian and several editors are big Meryl Streep fans.
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