March 12, 2010

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Moose Seduces Man
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GRAND RAPIDS, Minnesota- Lori Gamez has seen enough and filed for divorce from her husband, Rob. "I have felt the alienation and withholding of affection but I suspected my sister. Now I know the truth. It was a moose. My sister is a large woman, but this is a whole 'nother level of ridiculous," said the frustrated public relations consultant. Rob Gamez denies having had carnal contact with the moose but admits to having strong feelings that are, "More along the lines of being a nature lover than anything else,"insisted the high school wrestling coach.
Birds Flip Humans The Bird
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GRETNA GREEN, Scotland- Reacting like a furious celebrity to paparazzi outside a night club, a large flock of starlings showed birders and photographers exactly what they thought of the invasion of their privacy. The flock of hundreds of thousands of starlings were heading back to roost at dusk and clearly were in a twitchy mood. Did their obscene gesture have anything to do with an anti-starling bill being studied by town commissioners hoping to deal with increasing damage caused by their droppings? For now, only the birds know.
"It's a Sin to Waste Good Meat!"
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HORTONVILLE, Wisconsin- According to Catholics, it is a sin to waste. So, when Patrick Kennelly saw a wounded deer staggering through town he decided to follow it. "I could see it had been shot but wasn't about to go down, so I just pedaled behind it, herding it towards my house. I got him running hard and then edged him into the back wall of the Dairy Queen. And when it hit that wall, that's when he dropped. I pedaled home and walked in with a deer. It almost made my family forget the Packers were on TV." A passing motorist shot a photo of Kennelly as he pedaled home.
Baboons Terrify Tourists
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CAPE TOWN, South Africa- Visitors to South Africa's premier holiday destination are worried about becoming another victim of the country's high crime rate, which now involves a particularly furry felon-- baboons. The cheeky primates have learned how to open car doors and jump through windows in pursuit of sandwiches and snacks. A troupe of 29 baboons, led by their leader "Fred," raided four cars recently, opened unlocked doors and jumped through windows to search for the humans' lunches and treats. Fred ransacked a bag in the back seat of a car and stole one American couple's passports and airline tickets. The shocked tourists cannot fly home without their passports or tickets but said, "If Fred figures out how to shave, he can fly. He's got my plane ticket and passport and if security at the Capetown airport is like it is at White House dinner parties, Fred will be in D.C. sometime Sunday night."
Coyote or Terminator?
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GRIMLY, Nevada- Coyotes are tough creatures but could one get hit by a Honda minivan at 75 mph, become embedded in the grill, ride for 600 miles and survive? The answer is a resounding, Yes! When Daniel and Tevyn East struck a coyote at 75mph they assumed, from the fatal sound of the impact, they had killed the animal and drove on. They didn't realize this was the toughest creature ever. Eight hours, two fuel stops, and 600 miles later, they found the wild animal embedded in their front fender and very much alive. No realizing the coyote was still amongst the living, Daniel tried to pry the fur out of the grill with a broom stick and got the shock of his life when the fur flinched. "I don't mind telling you the whole thing freaked us out. That coyote should not have survived that impact, let along come away without much more than a scratch."
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