September 20, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

A Real Snake On a Plane
PORT MORESBY, Papua New Guinea- A 10 ft. python battled to retain its grip on the wing as a plane it was flying on made its way between the Australian town of Cairns and Port Moresby in Papua New Guinea. The determined reptile held on for the whole 1 hr 50 min flight. The snake's body was hammered against the engine, leaving blood stains on the white paint as passengers watched it struggle to find a safer spot. Flight attendant Laura Gomez reported that the passengers stayed fairly calm but more than a few people were very tentative when looking into seat back pockets, over head bins and especially using the bathroom.
"Young Hitler" Scares Animal Lover/Vegetarian
BOSTON, Massachusetts- Co-workers Derk Asmunder and Lilliam Lum never got along, but nobody thought the animosity would lead to a lawsuit. For years, Lum, a strict vegan and SPCA member, found it offensive that Asmunder "revels in eating meat in front of me. One day, he looked at his sandwich and said, 'Mmmm... puppy is good,' and I nearly passed out." That day, in a conversation with the Human Resources Department, Lum called Asmunder a "Young Hitler." The next day Asmunder showed up sporting a new haircut and eventually a mustache, which according to Lum is all designed to annoy her. HR specialist Kendra Saddlen said, "Who would have thought a love of animals and a mustache could put us all in court but here we go."
"I Think I Put a Bobcat in My Car"
BANGOR, Maine- Police are warning people to be careful handling injured animals after a woman tried to rescue what she thought was a house cat she hit with her vehicle which turned out to be a bobcat. Police say the woman placed the injured animal in her van but while driving it became alert and the woman then realized she was driving with a wild bobcat in her back seat. The woman got out of the vehicle, followed by the bobcat which hid under the van and had to be euthanized, after being subdued by game wardens. Police Chief Jerry Balistrieri says people should be careful handling injured animals and recommends calling an animal control officer "Before Mrs. Magoo puts a bear in her station wagon thinking she hit a black lab."
Bear Loves Barbecue
BARABOO, Wisconsin- Bears often haunt the areas humans live in because there are easy pickings for food. But usually those areas include garbage cans and coolers at a campsite, not your deck, and especially not your barbecue. But Cindy Coyle no longer gets to cook out because a local bear keeps showing up on her deck and waits for her to bring out the steak or brats or whatever she used to cook on her barbecue. "This bear thinks he is part of the family. He just waits for dinner. But I don't cook out there anymore. What if he doesn't like pork?"
Deer Loves Marlboro Lights
WHITEHOUSE, Texas- One more reason not to smoke: Deer attacks. Cole Kellis and Joseph Rose were standing in their front yard when a young buck walked in. The deer seemed friendly, so Rose approached it. Big mistake, as the deer charged them and began to attack. The men ran to Rose's pick-up truck but before they got in the buck poked Rose in the ribs. Rose was safe, but his cigarettes were not. "The deer climbed up into the truck cab, put his front paws on my seat and got my pack of cigarettes and started chewing on them," Rose said. When Rose tried to get his cigarettes back, the buck got even more aggressive. That's when Rose and Kellis called the police. Even with the use of a stun gun, it took five men to restrain the angry, tobacco-addicted buck. This nicotine-loving deer isn't the only antlered creature to cause trouble in recent months. In October, a randy elk had to be relocated after he began trying to mate with cows on a Canadian ranch. Rose thinks deer are becoming habituated to urban life and not only like it, but they want more. "How long before they prefer fast food to acorns," said the wounded Rose.
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