March 22, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Carp Causes Near Miss
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SUONENJOKI, Finland- Mikkonen Bjorjnk, like many Finns, loves the full sauna experience, including the part where you jump through a hole in the ice of a frozen lake. And since several friends were coming over for a dinner party Bjorjnk wanted to enlarge the hole so everyone could jump in after relaxing in his sauna. Everything was going as planned until a large carp gave the back of his leg a hicky, which caused him to jump in mid downswing of his ax. "I short armed my swing and nearly shortened my putz," said the relieved to have missed Bjorjnk.
Zookeeper Injured After Gorillas Sneak Into Kitchen
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CALGARY, Canada- A zookeeper was injured Friday while trying to corral some gorillas that managed to get into a locked kitchen at the Calgary Zoo. The secured kitchen is attached to their enclosure and filled with the gorilla's food, fruit, fresh vegetables and grain. But apparently the gorillas did not want to wait for humans to fix breakfast. After a few pots and pans got thrown, the chastised gorillas were chased back to where they belong. This isn't the first time the big primates have caused problems at the zoo. A gorilla named Barika menacingly paraded around her enclosure holding a knife that a zookeeper had left in the exhibit. No one was hurt, "But we sure saw Barika knew what a knife could do," said trainer Billy Jay.
Goose Haunts Kayakers
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KISSIMEEHERE, Florida- Kayak vacations used to work well as a business for Scott Edwards but then a vicious goose moved in and ruined everything. "PEACEFUL PADDLES was a great business for me and the wife, but then this nasty honker came in, attacking everybody before they get far from shore and ruins everything. This damn bird has turned fun in the sun into screaming hell."
Dog and Cheetah Are Pals
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BATON ROUGE, Louisiana- It's very common to have a dog as a pet, but not a cheetah. Sue and Pat McGuire have both. "These two just love each other. And as long as we feed Sandya (the cheetah) we are pretty certain Duke (the dog) is safe," said Sue McGuire. "They love to run together. We have let them go sometimes, out of the yard, but a few cats and dogs went missing from the neighborhood so now we keep them at home. But when these two are in the open field, man you should see them go."
Dolphins By The Millions Buzz San Diego
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SAN DIEGO, California- Porpoises and dolphins travel in large groups called pods. Larger pods can grow to over 100 members. So, the tens of thousands of dolphins that flippered their way around San Diego could be described as the pod to end all pods. "Never seen anything like it," said harbormaster Jamie Raymond. "What they were doing out there, I don't know, but it made the Navy nervous. The fleet couldn't deploy for scheduled maneuvers for a couple of days while this mondo pod bottled the entrance to the harbor up. Kind of makes you wonder."
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