February 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Naked Babes and Belugas
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MURMANSK, Russia- Braving sub-zero temperatures, Natalia Avseenko has thrown caution — and her clothes — to the wind to tame two beluga whales in a unique and controversial experiment. Avseenko, 36, was persuaded to strip naked as marine experts believe belugas do not like to be touched by artificial materials such as diving suits. The skilled Russian diver took the plunge into waters below minus 1.5 degrees Centigrade. The taming of the whales happened near the Arctic Circle where the average human could die if left in sub-zero temperature sea water for just five minutes. However, Natalia is a yoga expert and used meditation techniques to hold her breath and stay under water for an incredible ten minutes and 40 seconds. One of the marine biologists instrumental in convincing Avseenko to work with him said "We certainly hope this technique is successful with the Belugas but if it isn't it certainly has made working in the Arctic Circle more interesting."
Camel Ruins Petting Zoo Visit
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BAKERSFIELD, California- Kids love animals. And generally, they love to see them up close. Except when those animals take the children's heads into their mouths and belch. Bob and Mary Wendt brought their kids to the Happy Critters Petting Zoo and they were hoping for a memorable Disney kind of experience. What they got was a trip to the emergency room and a future, probably filled with nightmares. "We weren't warned to not go to this area, and all of a sudden, Steve's head is in a camel's mouth and then this big bellowing belch. At first we thought his skull was crushed but it was just a camel burp," said mother Mary Wendt.
Truck Drivin' Dog Freaks Out Other Drivers
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TRACY, California- Drivers in downtown Tracy put in a lot of calls to 911 after they saw a large dog driving a semi-truck through a busy part of town. Once police caught up with the vehicle they found out human driver, Bob Emmers, was crouching down so it would just look like Diesel, his 90 pound mutt, was behind the wheel. "Diesel might actually be able to steer this thing, at this point. He really loves it when I get low and make it look like he's driving. He loves the idea he looks like he's driving and when I get too close to someone he barks so I think he knows what's going on." Even though Emmers peeks over the dashboard, keeping an eye on the road police still cited him for reckless endangerment.
Some Squirrel Traps Work
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HOLLAND, Michigan- There has never been an effective way to trap or deter squirrels, until now. Tom and Debbie Bauman think they may have a way to catch squirrels. "They love seeds and nuts and when they climb up on this bird feeder they slide down and catch themselves and no more procreating is my guess," said a proud Debbie Bauman.
Turkeys Rule Neighborhood
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MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota- Elijah Penschline thought he had seen it all but urban turkeys trapping him in his own home is a new one. "Damn things won't let me out of the house without rushing at me, wings flappin', spurs flyin'. I even tried wearing a hat and sunglasses but they recognized me. I'm running out of food," joked the retired machinist. It seems Penschline accidentally injured a poult this spring when his lawnmower ran over and then shot out a rock which injured the baby bird. Now, the flock is exacting its revenge.
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