VATICAN CITY- Pope Benedict has asked priests in Spain to distance themselves from the El Colacho, or Baby Jumping Festival, after a recent tragic accident where babies were endangered and a 92 year old man was killed. The ritual, which features men dressed as the devil leaping over mattresses loaded with babies, is thought to keep the children safe from the devil for the rest of their lives. "Obviously our goal is to keep all of us safe from the devil, but if we take the lives of others while we're doing it, we have to question those methods," explained the Pontiff.

LOVELAND, Colorado- Six year old Robbie Slayton was carried off by a Tule Elk right in front of his horrified parents, Tammi and Robert of Boulder. "We just wanted to get a great Christmas picture of Robbie with the elk but I guess we encouraged him to get too close," said his embarrassed father. The elk scooped the dumbstruck first grader up in its rack and once the six year old was seated up there, it galloped off into the mountains. After the local DNR called for an emergency rescue, searchers found the boy seven hours later sitting, unhurt,in a tree. The traumatized youngster hasn't spoken in two days but is expected to recover fully.

CASTRILLO, Spain- The annual El Colacho, or Baby Jumping festival has taken a tragic turn. Jaime Del Morin was leaping over a mattress filled with babies when he blew out a knee. To avoid hurting any babies Morin flung his body forward and crashed into 92 year old J.W. Puddios. Local priest, Father Stephano Zuschos said, "God's miracle of the circle of life happened right before our eyes. The old die as the young carry on, just as He planned."

KOALA LAMPHUR, Malaysia- Shinya Miyakoshi entertained passersby for years with his highly trained troop of performing monkeys until one disgruntled member killed him with the stick it used in a top-hat and cane dance routine. "That monkey just wanted out of show business and didn't know how else to do it," said Ed Crane, a nearby shop owner.

DEMOTTE, Ind- Hope Wideup started up her car and heard racket from under the hood. "It didn't sound exactly right so I shut it off and went to look and see what was wrong." Inside her engine compartment were thousands of black walnuts probably put in there by a chipmunk Wideup has seen going in and out of her garage. "Was it trying to feed an army of chippies or does one of 'em eat that much over the winter?" Towing and repairs cost Wideup $242.

SAN LUIS OBISPBO, California- A cross-country meet was disrupted by several aggressive deer that chased junior high runners off the course in Otto Bing State Park. Stampeding boys and girls ran helter skelter as the determined deer denied them the chance to race through the course. "Those deer acted like they owned the place," complained one runner. "Do they not want us to be in shape or just not get in shape out where they live?"

LAREDO, Texas- Clint Strider has given over his life to a prized bull named Moses. "I follow him where ever he leads and if Moses doesn't want to walk I drive." Family members have asked health officials to give them legal custody over Strider and his landlord has started eviction proceedings but so far the cowboy and the cow are still bunking and riding together.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska- The state of Alaska has been having trouble keeping employees who are willing to work out of doors. Governor Palin said "Deer, moose, polar bears... they all have been after our people. Our health insurance premiums are through the roof. You put in more than 10 claims for wolverine bites per year and they boost your premiums like you wouldn't believe."

Superior, WISCONSIN- Tom Bauman's feisty mutt, Mr. Dinkles, had the last say in the matter of man and his loyal dog versus beast. Scouting out hunting spots before the deer opener, Bauman and Mr. Dinkles were stalked and then charged by a good sized buck which forced them out of the woods. "Mr. Dinkles was fighting mad about it and nearly busted through my windows as I drove off, trying to show this deer who's boss. But how do you explain to a dog that we're comin' back in a week with a gun to finish this fight?" Bauman claims it was OK for Mr. Dinkles to "Take his revenge(on the deer)like that," but if a human did it, "...it would be creepy."