February 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Darting Deer Sends Weiner Out Of Control

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BOULDER, Colorado- The Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile is not known to do well in ice and snow. In fact, it is hard to handle in dry conditions and nearly impossible to parallel park. So every year the promotional vehicles are scheduled to head south before winter arrives. But delayed by a cracked axle one Weiner Mobile ended up driving through a snowstorm and when a deer bolted out into the road and its driver hit the breaks it became a spinning hot dog. "I am surprised the weiner didn't spin out of the bun, the way we were going round and round," said driver Rocky Wurst.
Turkeys Think Titleist is an Egg

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MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota- Don Pavulkna golfs at least once a week at Gross National Golf Course and thought he had seen it all until the day last week where a flock of turkeys surrounded a golf ball and wouldn't let anyone near it. "My neighbor hit his approach shot short of the green just as this flock of turkeys was crossing the fairway and when we got up to the ball the turkeys just wouldn't move away from it. They charged at us and jumped up, kicking with their spurs... it was like they were protecting one of their eggs or something. It wasn't a lost ball but what do you do? My neighbor dropped a ball and chipped on from where the turkeys weren't but how do you score that?"
Moose Hunter Misses Moose, Hits Guy On Toilet

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LILLEHUMPF, Norway- A moose hunter accidentally shot a man who was on the toilet. According to NewsSky.com, the shooter was aiming at a moose but missed it and his bullet pierced the wall of a home directly behind the animal striking Hadoot Hooten while he was on the toilet. Hooten, 70, was rushed to the hospital by helicopter and should survive. The moose escaped unharmed. The hunter could be charged for discharging a weapon near a domicile. Hooten was angry at being shot but also said that moose seems to have a plan. "This is what they do, these moose hang out near my cabin during hunting season and make me a target, too. It scares the hell out of me. Will somebody please come and get them away from here?"
"They Are In Love"
KATY, Houston- Richard C. Johnson always wanted his own zoo. And when he opened Apple Valley Family Petting Zoo his dream was realized. Running a zoo is generally not the most viable economic plan but when your black lab named Annie falls in love with your star elephant, Nicky, you might have problems beyond that of the average zoo. "This is a very conservative Christian area and the fact of the matter is when Annie is around, Nicky is excited to see her... and we are losing customers," said the frustrated Johnson. "We tried keeping them apart but Annie jumps the fence and the two of them just... like being together."
Drunken Moose Terrorize Swedes
STOCKHOLM, Sweden- Drunken moose are terrorizing parts of Sweden, according to multiple media reports. Earlier this month, an Ingaro man couldn't get into his house because a pack of five intoxicated moose were blocking the front door, according to Metro News. And in Stockholm, another soused moose got into a brawl with a swing set, sending police to the scene. The moose get drunk after eating rotten apples and might even look forward to this time of year according to Sven Nyckquist, from the Department of Interior Affairs. "It's like a holiday party for the moose. They get all amped up for the fermenting apple season like college students anticipating spring break. But they can be really dangerous and fearless so this tradition of taking a picture with a drunken moose is really a bad idea for humans." In 2011, Swedish rescue workers had to come to the aid of a drunk moose that got itself tangled up in a tree, 15 feet off the ground.
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