July 29, 2010

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Bear Hates Fishermen
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VICTORIA, British Columbia- A Canadian man is recovering after a black bear swam across a river, climbed onto a dock and then jumped on a boat and attacked him. Conservation officer Gord Hitchcock said Wednesday the 52-year-old man was fishing at a marina in a tiny coastal community off Canada's Pacific coast when the bear mauled him. Hitchcock says people tried to help the man using poles, knives and a hammer to pull the bear off of him. Fire Chief Dan Tennant said he's never heard of such an incident in an area where the bears are normally docile. "One friend even tried to help out with a pinch nose pliers but didn't get very far," said Tennant.
Surfin' Crocs Cross Pacific
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CANBERRA, Australia- Crocodiles can surf ocean currents to journey across open seas according to the "Journal of Animal Ecology" which explains how the world's largest living reptile came to occupy so many South Pacific islands despite having little stamina for swimming. Like a surfer catching a wave, crocodiles ride currents to cross hundreds of miles of open sea, study author Hamish Campbell said. Campbell used sonar transmitters to track a 13-foot male that surfed ocean currents 367 miles to meet with other crocs before returning home. "Why he went there, we have absolutely no idea. But it appears he had some meetings with these other crocs and surfed back home," Campbell said.
Bear Terrorizes L.A. Freeway
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LOS ANGELES, California- A Southern California freeway was shut down while state wildlife officials tried to remove a bear that wandered into lanes. Lt. Kerry Carter says the adult black bear walked onto the freeway, which had to be closed for much of the morning commute. Fish and Game Department workers eventually cornered the bear in a flood control channel, and tranquilized it with a dart gun. "I had a big position I was going to pull the trigger on but missed the trading dead line because of this flippin' bear," said angry bond trader Stormy Kroemer, who got stuck in traffic and a cell phone dead spot on the way to downtown Los Angeles, 20 miles away.
Squirrels Hate America's Favorite Past Time
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MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota- A squirrel delayed a game with the Yankees, which later was suspended by rain. The best way to get squirrels off the field? Some say have hawks or eagles roost in the right and left field light standards so they can swoop down and snatch squirrels when they appear. "What great TV that would make," said Rob Rode, an official with FOX Sports North. "It's either that or give the ground crew tasers. I hate squirrels. I was golfing once and a squirrel stole my five wood club head cover and then tried to bite me. If we could get a falconer to come in and hunt these squirrels we'd be on Sports Center every night," said a the frustrated executive, who noted if the squirrel hadn't caused a delay the Twins would have won a shortened game instead of the contest being suspended. The Twins lost the game the next day when it was resumed.
Best Dad of the Year Winner Loses Award
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ST. PAUL, Minnesota- Danni Scopazzi was named "Dad of the Year" by workers at the day care center his son Roy attends. But after holding Roy over a guard rail to get a closer look at the Como Zoo's cougar exhibit, the Kinder Care facility has revoked the award. While ignoring signs which said "Warning- Stay Back," Scopazzi held his two year old over a railing and up to a wire fence to get a better view of a cougar, who proceeded to claw the boy through the mesh. Superficial skin wounds and pride are not the only injuries the Scopazzis endured. "I was really proud of that award," said the embarrassed father. "But I guess I made the day care center look bad, so they want their certificate back."
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