February 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"What Are They All Talking About?"

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HOPE, Arkansas- Anybody who has been around animals know that many species tolerate one another but prefer the company of their own kind. That is, except for the animals on Ron Klein's farm. "I've got pigs running with dogs, steers with cats, and these five (a llama, a goat, a sheep, a bull and a rooster)... they are always together. Sometimes it looks like they are talking to one another but I have no idea what's it's about. The rooster is the one who seems to do most the talking, that's for sure," said the amused but confused Klein.
Paws at Ten and Two On The Wheel

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SPOKANE, Washington- A woman on her way home from work was hit at a red light by a car with a Chihuahua behind the wheel. The dog had apparently knocked the parked car out of gear and coasted into traffic. When the woman looked up to see who had hit her, she couldn’t believe what she saw. “I was shocked. I mean... little dogs do weird things sometimes, take on bigger dogs and get into it or eat other dog's poop, but drive in rush hour traffic... that was weird," said victim Tabitha Ormaechea.
"I'm Still Convinced I Saw A Three Headed Deer"

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POLONIA, Wisconsin- Residents at the Lady of the Fields Nursing Home got quite a start the other day when they thought they saw a three headed deer. Much excitement filled the day room until nursing home management called the DNR to investigate. Upon looking at a photo taken by Rocky Zurawski DNR Field Officer Paul Klasinski assured the seniors what they saw was just an optical illusion but Zurawski isn't buying it. "I'm still convinced I saw a three headed deer."
Taxidermist Is Sued

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HOUGHTON/HANCOCK, MICHIGAN- In many families hunting is a lifestyle passed on from generation to generation and bonds are forged while trying to bring home a wild game dinner or a trophy. The Baron Dikkleess family is the perfect example-the 84 year old patriarch Baron, recently took great grandson Dietrek bear hunting and the youngster took down a 450 pounder which Grandpa had stuffed and mounted to commemorate the event. And that is when the trouble started. The bear they got back from the taxidermist looked "Goofy... that's all I can say. The damn thing looks like a cartoon. Looks like something you wouldn't be proud of killin' that's for sure," said Baron Dikkleess. "I paid a bunch of damn money so that bear could stand stand in Dietrek's house and it looks like a damn joke." Taxidermist Frank Baum told reporters, "I'm sorry, but the kid shot the weirdest looking bear I have ever seen. Seriously, this bear must have been the class clown, it's how it looked alive so that's how it looks dead."
"I'm Ready For My Closeup Mr. DeMIlle"

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HOLLYWOOD, California- Not much intimidates veteran show business agents and managers who routinely negotiate million dollar deals across the table from equally tough studio heads. But what does intimidate talent manager Jimmy Miller is a mountain lion that leaps over the hood of his Bentley. "It's happened six times now. This same cougar hides along the road up by my place and when I'm headed down the canyon, out of nowhere, it hops out of the brush, right over the hood... scares the hell out of me. One of these times I am going off the road. There's lots of people in town who want me dead but would a studio head have one of his wranglers train a mountain lion to do this? In this town, I guess it's possible."
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