March 22, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Deer Wants To Drive
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TACOMA, Washington- Drivers and deer often collide but truck drivers rarely see deer get up high enough to blast through their windshield right into their cabs. And when it happens it takes a real pro to maneuver to the shoulder and remove the dead deer carcass. Slim Dunlap told reporters "I didn't want Bambi in my lap but for the sake of everyone out there I had to hang in and bring her' down to a safe spot.
"Up Periscope"
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LACKAWASHISH, Kenya- If Darwin was right and species evolve then is it possible a giraffe could become a periscope for a zebra? That is exactly the question biologist Jake Scott is asking. "We know various species benefit from being around one another but have these two chosen to actively cooperate and use one another's physical attributes, knowingly, to protect themselves from predators? These zebras love bananas but until making friends with the giraffes they could never get fresh ones."
We Bring The Wildlife to You
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KINGS TOWN, England- If you give customers a 100% money back guarantee if they don't see lions when they visit your animal park you might take steps to insure you never have to pay it. And one of those steps might be smearing blood on the underside of the 'people cage' your customers are standing in. When asked if using blood to entice lions to get come sniffing around was a common practice Animal Kingdom Adventure spokesman Marty Blokman said "No comment," but visitor Sally Minton has a different story. "I saw them smear something red from a bucket under the truck right before we took off and those lions came up and looked hungry. It was way too scary for me and the kids."
"Don't Eat My Baby"
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KENSHASHA NATIONAL PARK, Kenya- Tourists witnessed a unique scene when a Negril baboon lost her baby to a lioness who then refused to let the baby baboon out of her sight. The sad biological mother sat forlornly nearby while the lioness acted as if the baby baboon was now hers to raise. "Maybe Q45 (the lioness) is just fattening up baby 'boon to be a better snack in a few weeks," opined park zoologist Dincqee Dotter. "Usually they never pass up monkey veal."
Rodeo Coverage Interrupted By Horse Attack
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HOUSTON, Texas- Rodeo fans were watching a much anticipated bucking bronco competition and just when former champ Skid Puckett was approaching a winning time the camera suddenly pointed at the rafters. While TV viewers were perplexed and annoyed, the TV cameraman was in shock. "I've never felt pain like that," said Matt Johnson. "Damn thing musta' chomped down on a nerve or something. I knew I was shooting the rafters but I just couldn't move," said Johnson. The horse that did the biting, Spooky Tooth, has been banned from the Olde English 800 Champions Rodeo Tour.
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