April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Cat Stands On Couch To Spy On Mailman
SECAUCUS, New Jersey- Ludicrus the cat either hates the mailman or is anxiously awaiting the delivery of a package because every day around mail-time Ludicrus jumps up on the couch and stands there until the mail is delivered. "I tried to stop her for awhile but she is determined to stand there until the mail gets here, so I just gave in. But I gotta' believe it hurts her back," said owner Sue Wadel.
Sharks Deny Man Life Giving Internet
MIAMI, Florida- Google is wrapping its fiber-optic cables in a Kevlar-like material, said Dan Belcher, product manager on the Google cloud team. Sharks have a "unique ability" to detect electromagnetic fields and believe that the cable is an animal," said George Burgess, director of the Florida Program for Shark Research. "No doubt the electromagnetic fields are highly attractive to these sharks," Burgess said. But others have other ideas. "Maybe this is all an excuse for lousy cable service," said Comcast internet customer Dirk Blachman.

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Herd of Austrian Cows Kills German Hiker
HOLSTEEN, Austria- Police say a herd of cows once again attacked a German hiker, this time killing the woman as she walked through their pasture. The cows were apparently riled by the sight of her leashed dog. The 45-year old victim was rushed by 20 cows and their calves and pushed up against a fence until she suffocated. Authorities refused to comment on why only German hikers seem to be raising the ire of Austrian cows.
"He's A Long Way From Ice"
BERING, Alaska- Marine Biologist Shekter Lasse studies the effects of global warming on marine mammals. While it has been long thought polar bears might be the most endangered species Lasse now thinks they may learn to adapt to a non-polar habitat. "I was checking for levels of krill hundreds of kilometers away from any ice or polar bear range and there this guy was, scared the hell out of me. Maybe they will learn to live in the forest. It'll look weird at first to see white bears walking through trees but cool at the same time."
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