"I Don't Think You're From Wisconsin"
MADISON, Wisconsin- The Department of Natural Resources said biologists have confirmed two cougar sightings in northern Wisconsin. The cougars presence was confirmed by trail cameras on private land and DNA analysis of scat (feces) found on the property. Owner Pat Mosey told DNR officials he knows the scat was from the cougar because his trail camera caught the big cat in the act. "I don't know if I'll be hunting there this season for a couple of reasons."
Giraffe Photo Bombs For Food
HESPERTH, Arkansas- Biologists believe you can train animals through stimulus and response. At the Decatur County Zoo the stimulus is humans posing for a picture, the response for Daisy the African giraffe is to photo bomb the picture and the reward is a treat of watermelon chunks sold at a nearby refreshment stand. Superintendent Stacy Miklas claims "Daisy never posed for pictures until we moved that refreshment stand nearby. But now, if you're buying she's smiling... but you'd better get her the watermelon, otherwise she spits at you."
Bear Makes Best Ever Golf Round Unofficial
HOT SPRINGS, British Columbia, Canada- What was going to be his best round of golf ever become unofficial when a bear cub took Jim Smulyan's ball and plopped it in a sand trap. "I had a chance to break 80 but once the cub took my make-able birdie putt and walked it into the trap I was screwed," said the frustrated hacker. According to the course pro, Terry Edwards, "The rules of golf allow you to return a ball after being moved by an 'outside agency' or bear but Jimmy didn't know that at the time and played it from the trap. Once you do that that's your score." Smulyan added "The cub was cute. But I wish I had a chance to make that putt."
VINYL CLASSICS is proud to present the re-issue of Wasnatchl-Front To Back. Vinyl Classic President Rick Rettler said "To be honest this re-issue is kind of... well, this record is so bad it is good. This Wasnatchl claimed to be making, what he called, 'The sound of love.' His french horn would be both music and the sound of sex... it's awful. I can't stop laughing every time I hear it. You get this record and play it at a party, I swear people will be on the floor," said Rettler.
Run of the Weiners
CANTERBURY, Minnesota- If the horses can't run there's always the Dachshunds. Canterbury Downes race track could not let race horses out on the track because of water on the back stretch but fans got to place bets on a different species heading for the wire-14 Dachshunds. "I am sure the novelty had something to do with it but we made good money that day. People love to bet on which Weiner is best," said track spokesman Dale Petersen.