April 29, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"There's Nothing They Can't Climb"
SCOPAZZA, Italy- There is a reason mountain goats and sheep survive and thrive in the mountains-they are excellent climbers. But defying gravity seems to be a new skill acquired by some sheep in Italy's northern provinces. "If your tongue is strong enough to hang onto a cliff, I guess there's nothing you can't climb," said Naturalist Benno Gassino. Historian Dario Pasqualino told Italia Newsette that the Nazis tried to train mountain goats to climb up to Allied positions during World War Two but the explosives laden animals didn't make it and fell down the cliffs onto the German positions, killing themselves and the soldiers. "But now," Pasqualino said, "With the lightness of plastic explosives and the way the sheep can use their tongue to climb it might work."
Faithful Donkey Kills Coyote
CRAG, Georgia- On most farms dogs are used to guard the animals and property. But on Deke Philberts farm it's a donkey that patrols the coops and pastures and if a coyote makes it onto the property Nasty Pete takes care of the situation. "Got Nasty Pete in a 4H raffle and didn't know what to do with him. Then he started killing anything that comes onto the farm. Love that donkey."
Girl With Nightmares Wakes Up To Bear Outside Bedroom
MONTGOMERY, Alabama- When a youngster has nightmares it is tough on both the child and parents who want to help them get through the night. Reassurances that dreams are not real and the child is safe in their room is the top advise counselors give to parents. What they might want to include is not putting up a hummingbird feeder outside your kid's window if you live in an area where bears live, too. "We almost had Virginia calmed down to the point where she could sleep alone, through the night, and then she wakes up to see a bear right outside her window. I am such an idiot to have put up that feeder outside her window," said frustrated father Lefty Koengfish.
English Farmer Stops Nazi Cow Blitzgrieg
LONDON, England- Dubbed the "Nazi cows," some members of a rare cattle breed have been slaughtered and turned into sausages because they were too aggressive to keep. Originally, the breed was bred by scientists under Hitler's Third Reich; to revive an extinct European breed known as the Auroch, which was recognized for its musculature and fierce demeanor and was used as a symbol of strength in Nazi propaganda. "The ones we had to get rid of would just attack you any chance they could," English farmer Derek Gow told The Independent. He said half of his herd was "incredibly aggressive," putting himself and his staff at risk. "They would try to kill anyone. They are by far and away the most aggressive animals I have ever worked with," he told the British newspaper. Gow said his neighbor, a recent immigrant from France, was particularly worried about Gow's cows. "Maybe he's reading too much history into this but Maurice started building a huge fence to keep my Nazi cows out before I turned them into bockwurst."
Bar Hopping Cows Invade Downtown
RED WING, Minnesota- Downtown Red Wing generally doesn't generate enough traffic to cause gridlock but it also doesn't generally have a herd of cows walking around either. A small herd of cows being driven back to Wisconsin escaped their trailer to roam the streets and caused at least one regular reveler to rethink her happy hour habit. "When I came out of Tim and Tina's Tip On Inn I was a little gassed and then I was face to face with a drooling cow. I don't know if that's a message from God or what but that is how I am taking it," said a local Red Wing resident who wished to remain anonymous. Police, meanwhile, parked their cars around the cows in an impromptu corral and coaxed the herd out of traffic and into the safety of a nearby parking lot. A little later, a Wisconsin farmer called, looking for his cows, explaining when he got back home he was missing half his herd and the latch to the trailer gate was gone.
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