June 25, 2017
"There but for the grace of God goes... Jesus!"
Being in favor of a sane energy policy, and seeing SUV's lousy gas mileage as the enemy of my daughter's future geo/political and physical well-being, I was pleased to hear the recent "What would Jesus drive if he were alive today" debate. And if your answer is Jesus would drive an SUV that would only be true if he had to go cross country through mud and snow to bathe a leper.

Being a lapsed Catholic and former altar boy I think I have some standing to comment on what the correct answer would be and that is Jesus would drive any car that had a JESUS IS THE ANSWER bumper sticker on it. Just kidding. It would be an I'M RIDING WITH JESUS bumper sticker.

Catholics are raised to believe it is a sin to waste. So, I see Jesus on a ten speed. Jesus would be that guy on the bike with the rear view mirrors on both sides of the handle bars and mud-flaps and side baskets and you'd see this character coming at you and say "There but for the grace of God goes... Jesus! Hey, Jesus. Hi." And then Jesus would honk the horn on his bike and wave and in the future you'd think twice about what you think about crazy homeless people.

Anyway, keeping in mind Jesus was the first Catholic and it's a sin to waste, if Jesus drove a car today, and if he had enough money (and why wouldn't he, he's Jesus, who wouldn't co-sign for that loan) Jesus would drive a fuel cell car because the only exhaust put out into the world his Father created (that is if you believe that whole creation story) is pure water, which Jesus could then collect and turn into wine. Cause that was His trick.

The car-shopping Son of God would also drive a fuel cell car because He would not like what is happening in the Holy Land, and much of that is over oil.

One must-eth remember, back in His time, when the Romans were tooling around in golden chariots or loitered about by neutered Nubians, Jesus saddled up his ass and rode from town to town. His donkey did produce some pollution, but all vehicles did back then and ashes to ashes, dust to dust, droppings to fertilizer, it all worked out. But if today were yesterday, it would be the greedy, god-less, orgy partaking Romans driving their Escalade to the Promenade, and Jesus taking his fuel cell vehicle to a party of the ONCE I WAS BLIND BUT NOW I CAN SEE SOCIETY to drop off the free wine he made with his non-polluting vehicle.