February 11, 2016

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Pigs Eat Farmer That Loved Them
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COQUILLE, OREGON- Oregon authorities reported hog farmer Terry Garner, 69, was eaten by his hogs and are trying to determine if he was attacked and then eaten or had a medical event before hand. Garner never returned after feeding his animals so a family member went to investigate and found Garner's dentures and a few pieces of his body in the hog enclosure. District Attorney Paul Frasier said at least one hog, a 700 pound sow, previously had bitten Garner weeks earlier after he accidentally stepped on one of its piglet. Garner's brother Michael told reporters "Terry said he was going to kill it, but changed his mind cuz' he loved those pigs too damn much. Feeling was not mutual. That sow wanted revenge. Terry just should have got the shotgun and made bacon."
Do Other Species Go To War
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KENT, England- Do other animals go to war? "It depends on the definition of war,” says behavioral ecologist Nicholas E. Newton-Fisher. "There’s good evidence that chimpanzees conduct deliberate raids on neighboring communities, annexing territory." During a ten-year study of a chimp family in Uganda's Kibale National Park, the primates killed or injured 18 chimps from other groups and took over their land. "The chimpanzees warfare is not like traditional battle, where armies line up and march at one another," Newton-Fisher says. "It's more guerrilla warfare, which is not to say gorilla warfare. When gorillas fight they fight like guerrillas, too. But who knows, they are evolving. Early man didn't have armies but we got there eventually. Maybe chimps and gorillas will, too."
Giant Lizard Freaks Out Reptile Fearing Family
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SARASOTA, Florida- Herpetophobia is not a fear of getting herpes. It is a pronounced fear of reptiles. And the entire Buck and Mary Beth Holtz family are extreme herpetophobes. So, a giant reptile climbing their walls is not just annoying but keeps them from sleeping or even eating. "We're just freaking out. Buck and I probably didn't think about this much but one of the reasons we fell in love and married was our mutual loathing of reptiles. Now, we can't help each other stay strong because we both just freaked. It has made our marriage weak. This thing is just haunting us, climbing our walls, looking in our windows when we are trying to eat. We're having nightmares. Then when we call the cops the damn thing disappears and they think we're crazy," said the flustered and tired Mary Beth Holtz.
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Pot Eating Rabbits Love Bob Marley
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TRUE FAITH, Utah- Could there really be pot-head rabbits in the wild that just want to lie around all day getting high? “I deal in facts. I deal in science,” said State Marijuana Eradication agent Matt Fairbanks. “We were pulling all kinds of marijuana out of a growers patch and there was a rabbit that refused to leave, his natural instincts should be to run but somehow they were gone," Fairbanks recounted to reporters. "One of the guys in the group found some Bob Marley music on his iPhone and played it for this stoner bunny and its head just started nodding back in forth, eyes closed, half baked smile... trust me, some rabbits love pot. That's just scientific observation."
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