February 19, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"That is NOT our cat"
GLASGOW, Scotland- A bold badger briefly replaced a family’s pet cat after the wild animal snuck in through a pet door last week, ate the feline’s food, then took a nap in the cat's bed. The Linlithgow family reached the SPCA who coaxed the badger out through the door but not before 92 year old Maguu Linlithgow nearly tried to pick the badger up, thinking it was his kitty, Pussboots. "I thought Pussboots had put on a few pounds but when I heard the snarling I knew something was not quite cricket."
Flying Great White Takes Over Boat
EVANS HEAD, Australia- An Australian fisherman was settling in for a relaxing day on the water when he was knocked down by a leaping 440 lb. great white shark. Terry Selwood, 73, had just dropped a line when the shark launched itself out of the water, landed in his cockpit after grazing him with its pectoral fin. "I was losing a fair amount of blood, I was stunned, I was on all fours and he is looking at me and I am looking at him, he started to dance around and shake and I got out as quick I could." A nearby boat came to the rescue and fished Selwood out of the drink before he met up with any of the shark's friends. After gaining notoriety over the event Selwood said "I think I might find a crocodile to wrestle, just to stay in the limelight."
Elephant Crushes Elephant Hunter
KARMATICON, Zimbabwe- While leading clients through a game reserve a big game hunter died after being crushed by an elephant shot by a member of his group. The trouble started when Theunis Botha and his fellow hunters interrupted a herd of breeding elephants, prompting three elephant cows to charge. The 51-year-old South African fired his rifle but a fourth elephant managed to lift him into the air with its trunk. One of Botha's partners then shot the elephant that had picked up Botha who was crushed by the weight of the collapsing pachyderm. The man who fired the fatal shot, who declined to give his name, said of Botha "I told Theunis we should not go out during mating season. Elephants are highly motivated during this time of year and you just don't want to get in between them and getting pregnant. But Theunis wouldn't listen and he ended up between one of them and the ground."
Big Time Croc Eats Big Game Hunter
IRONIA, Zimbabwe- Scott Van Zyl made his living taking wealthy clients on hunting expeditions for leopards, zebras, wildebeests and lions. It now appears the animal world has taken its revenge because DNA tests have confirmed Van Zyl was attacked, killed, and eaten by crocodiles while hunting. Van Zyl, who ran SS Pro Safaris, offered specials for hunters to spend a week or more on his hunting lands which border nature preserves, with the promise of killing up to seven different species for $9,000. Photos of clients holding the bodies of several rare species are posted on Van Zyl’s site, along with the motto “Stop whining, go hunting.” Van Zyl's partner, Ned Van Tugent, put out a statement saying "Scott gave his life to hunting and I am glad when he died it was on one last hunt." It is not known if Van Tugent was referring to Van Zyl being the hunter or the hunted on this last hunt.
Downhill Moose
LUTSEN, Minnesota- The ski business typically depends on when snow arrives, how deep it gets and how long it stays, not on whether a moose attacks your chair lifts and scare off customers. Yet that is exactly the concern at Lutsen Mountains this year. "The snow has been great but we can't keep this moose from trying to get on lift seven," reports Superintendent Klaus Andreissen. Fences, guard dogs, snow making machinery blasts in its direction- nothing has stopped a young moose from exiting the woods and heading for the chair lift it so clearly favors. "I'm almost tempted to snow cat the damn thing up to the top of the mountain to show it there is nothing special up there," said Andreissen.
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