November 29, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Albino Or New Species
SAUGATUCK, Michigan- Cross breeding animals has been done for centuries. Some combinations make perfect sense, like a horse and a donkey to create a mule. So, did someone cross a cow and a deer or is the youngster that appeared in Ray Kennelly's back yard an albino deer, a naturally occurring but aberrant individual? "If this fawn is female and has an utter... and can run and jump like a deer, I will keep her away from barbed wire fences," said Kennelly, who intends to raise the orphaned fawn just to see what happens.
"This Is Why I Hate Cats"
POCATELLO, Idaho- Pet doors offer pet owners great convenience because their cats and dogs can let themselves outside. The problem has always been what else the never locked swinging doors allow in. For Tom and Bonnie Brever that something else turned out to be a bear. "We made two mistakes. Putting in a pet door for the cat and putting the cat food near the pet door. Well, I gave in to getting a cat, so three mistakes, but I was having coffee one morning, hear a grunt, turn around and there's a bear's head a few feet from my ankles. I threw my coffee across the room, stumbled away, pointed at the bear head and yelled "Bonnie, that is why I hate cats." The hungry and curious black bear looked at the Brevers for awhile, sniffed around and after not being able to reach the cat food with its tongue, left. "I got rid of the cat door later that day. But we're still keeping the cat, I guess."
Kitty Kitty Bang Bang
BATES TOWNSHIP, Michigan - Joeseph Stanton was cooking in his kitchen when he was shot by his cat, Mr. Blinky. The counter walking feline knocked Stanton's handgun onto the floor, discharging the weapon, the shot striking Stanton in his lower torso. State police said Stanton was cooking home made venison sausage at the time and when officers asked why he had a loaded gun sitting where his cat could come in contact with it Stanton replied "Turn down the sausage and get me to the hospital." When asked for further comment neither Stanton nor Mr. Blinky could be reached.
Horse Loves Super Gulp
OAK BARREL, Kentucky- Warnings have been out there for years about the preponderance of sugar laden sodas and sports drinks in the American diet. Now, sugar and the American equine diet is the issue for at least horse breeder. Col. Scott Farrell knows where American Fantastic, his latest champion-line foal, learned to love sugar, "These stable hands, they bring these big gulp drinks, buckets of sugar water they are, to work and they thought it was funny when A.F. (American Fantastic) drank through the straw and finished them off in a seconds. Now we can't keep A.F. off the hummingbird feeder and he doesn't want to run anymore. Sugar is just bad."
Thai Elephant Kills Keeper, Runs Off With Three Chinese Tourists On Its Back
MAE WANG, Thailand- An elephant in northern Thailand went berserk Wednesday, killing his "mahout" keeper before running off into the jungle with three terrified Chinese tourists on his back. "The tourists are safe," a police commander told reporters. "But they did not look like they were having a good time when they got back." TV channels broadcast footage of the frightened tourists returning to camp still on the elephant's back. Rides are a popular and lucrative tourist activity but many animal rights groups say it is cruel and stressful for the pachyderms. Accidents are fairly common. In June an elephant killed a Thai man eating dinner at a beachside restaurant. The victim had been talking to the animal's mahout when the it suddenly flipped out and with one motion skewered the diner.
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